THE STORY OF A CHEAT
This film was conceived and directed by myself.
The music was composed by my friend Adolphe Borchard.
Marcel Lucien did the photography with Raymond Cluny...
while Paul Duvergé recorded the sound in his isolated booth.
The sets are by Ménessier and...
Mailleray did the furniture.
My actors are...
Marguerite Moreno, chatting here with Jacqueline Delubac.
She's pretending to be busy...
but they both know they're being filmed.
Here's Roger Duchesne with Rosine Deréan and Elmire Gautier.
Where's Serge Grave? Serge!
What?
Nothing...
Where is Pauline Carton hiding?
Here's Fréhel talking to Labry.
Pauline Carton, come let me thank you for you help...
while I directed the film.
Give a smile to your friend Pierre Assy.
Here's Pfeifer who plays the hero in the film...
talking to Dupray.
Myriam and her crew edited the film.
And, finally...
I was born in Pingolas...
a pretty little town in Vaucluse...
whose steeple you see on the left as you go to Tillac...
from Cavaillon.
My parents ran a grocery that averaged...
an annual profit of 5,000 francs.
Our family was big.
Mama had 2 children by a former husband.
She had 1 boy and 4 girls with Father.
Father had his mother, Mother had her father.
They were even on that score!
We also had an uncle, a deaf-mute.
At mealtime, we were 12.
1... 2... 3... 4...
5... 6... 7... 8... 9...
10... 11... and 12.
A dish of mushrooms...
and overnight...
I was alone in the world
because 2 hours earlier I'd robbed...
2... 4... 6... 8...
the till to buy some marbles.
The consequences of my crime were unexpected...
numerous and varied.
My angry father shouted...
"No mushrooms for a thief!"
The fatal vegetables had been picked by our deaf-mute...
and that night, the house contained 11 corpses.
Someone who hasn't seen 11 corpses all at once...
has no idea how many corpses that can be.
They were everywhere!
Shall I talk about my sorrow?
To be honest, I was only 12 and...
such a misfortune was obviously too much for a boy my age.
Yes, I was truly overwhelmed by this catastrophe.
Indeed, I felt unworthy of it.
You can cry over your father or mother or brother...
but how can you cry over 11 people?
You just don't know where to weep!
Not to mention the vast choice I had, but that's how it was.
Dr Lavignac came that afternoon...
to dispense enlightened but, alas, useless remedies.
My family inexorably faded away.
Having lunched with the Marquis de Beauvoir, our priest...
arrived by bicycle at 4:00.
We were certainly going to need him!
The rumor of my misfortune soon spread and...
by 5:00, the whole town was there.
I'd been sent from room to room and, not knowing where to go...
I fearfully hid under the counter in the store.
From there, I heard everything...
and all the whispering.
My deaf-mute "killer" uncle died in terrible agony.
They heard him and asked, "Who's screaming that way?"
"It's the deaf-mute!"
At 7:00 when it was all over...
I came out of hiding...
and came face to face...
with the exhausted doctor, wiping his brow.
He saw me and couldn't believe his eyes.
What was I doing there alive? By what right was I not dead...
like everyone else?
He looked at me as if I were a miracle or the devil.
A 12-year-old who easily ate deadly mushrooms and...
survived the others...
would be a very interesting case for him.
What a source for some experiments!
Since I could already imagine him dissecting my innards...
I admitted I'd had none.
"Why?"
His 'hy"sounded so much like a reproach...
that I told him about my crime, my theft...
and also my punishment.
He gave me a look that seemed to say...
"You're no fool!"
The story spread through the town...
and you can imagine the gossip...
At the funeral,
I followed the 11 coffins...
my head bowed and my eyes dry.
I wondered if the fact...
that I'd been miraculously spared...
didn't make me look as if...
I'd killed them all.
Meanwhile, they whispered behind my back...
"Know why the boy's not dead?"
"'Cause he's a thief!"
Yes, I was alive because I'd robbed the till.
It clearly meant the others had died...
because they'd been honest!
As I fell asleep that night in the empty house...
I formed an opinion on theft and justice which...
is rather a paradox and yet, 40 years of experience...
haven't altered it.
An unknown cousin of Mama...
Mr Morlot, a notary...
learned of the series of family deaths...
and came to take me to Cavaillon.
I'd been told...
and I was expecting him.
I don't know why but I expected a short, thin, smiling man.
He entered.
He was an unfriendly brute...
an abomination who terrified me.
His impression of me...
was not good either...
His "hello"sounded like an adieu and his "Come along!"...
was like "Out of my sight!"
2 minutes later, he shut the door on the shop and...
like a precocious criminal going to jail...
I left the village of my birth, never to see it again.
In the buggy he said he'd agreed...
to take me in out of kindness and settle my situation.
He said no more.
Upon arrival, he led me into his office...
gave me a seat...
sat himself down and opened my file,
explaining that...
with the shop sold and the burials paid for...
I would still have 18,000 francs.
To me, this was a fabulous sum!
To him, it must have been unhoped for!
He would invest it for me in his affairs...
and return it to me upon my majority.
Obviously I've never seen the money again...
nor the cousin!
But I hadn't reached the end of my trials.
I was still to meet Madam Morlot.
She entered.
I was spellbound.
Her glance, her glasses, her hair...
narrow nose and mouth like a scar...
all gave her face an impossible look.
- "Hello, my boy." - "Hello, ma'am.
She hated me on sight and the feeling was mutual.
I soon realised I would be a child-martyr...
with this viper and that ox.
Her way of feeding me...
was abominable and parsimonious.
Besides, the idea of a peasant dining at their bourgeois table...
exasperated them both.
Just think! I'd stolen 8 sous.
How shameful for them as they prepared to get my 18,000 francs!
They couldn't bear the sight of me.
At times, I saw in their icy eyes...
a desire to see me dead.
Only my refusal to fulfill that hope kept me...
from throwing myself under a train.
That night I decided to run away from them...
to flee forever...
without demanding my 18,000 francs...
so that I wouldn't be the only thief in the family!
One day she played a dreadful trick on me.
Each night, they played cards for hours.
She once left 5 or 6 francs on the card table.
At first I didn't see she'd done it on purpose.
I almost took them.
It was hideously evil to do that to me...
a boy who already lacked good and proper instincts...
but who wanted so badly to become honest.
Then, my hoped-for chance to escape came along.
On the 4th page of the local paper...
Mr Personaz, restaurant owner in St Maxime...
had an opening for a doorman.
I'd found this paper...
in a place I needn't specify more clearly.
It was folded in such a way that a fairy godmother...
seemed to have handed me Mr Personaz' offer.
I refolded it and placed it...
in Madam Morlot's sewing basket...
without being seen by a soul.
24 hours later I found it again in the same spot...
to which I had returned out of necessity.
This time...
I placed it in Madam Morlot's bedroom...
knowing she was absent.
When I went to bed...
I found to my surprise on my night table...
the same wandering page from the newspaper.
I finally understood that my fairy godmother...
was none other than the monstrous Madam Morlot...
and we were in total agreement.
A week later, with 300 francs in my pocket...
I was a doorman at the Personaz restaurant.
I saw for the 1st time those people we call wealthy.
It made a deep, lasting impression on me.
Oh, to one day be one of them!
I admit that was my immediate dream.
Later, it came true!
Yes, my friend, I'm writing my memoirs...
and do you know what I'm saying?
Very nice things about the wealthy!
But the ones whom I call rich are...
those who spend their money, not save it!
Money has value only when it leaves our pockets...
not when it goes into them!
What good is having it on you? None!
For 5 francs to be worth 100 sous...
spend them! If not, they're fictitious!
If I were the government, as my concierge says...
I'd heavily tax those who don't spend their incomes.
I know people who have incomes of 700 or 800 pounds...
and spend not even 1/4 of it.
I consider them to be idiots...
and almost dishonest people.
True, a check without funds...
is a banking action punished by the penal code.
It's only fair that it should be.
But I'd be equally severe with those...
who have funds but write no checks!
A man who doesn't spend his income...
breaks the rhythm of life by not making money circulate.
He has no right to do that!
After such a statement of principle...
let me say that I'm now 54...
that I started out... quite low... and...
if I haven't risen very high, I've gone quite far!
I've lived only on other people's money...
and I thus made millions.
Today, I'm almost broke.
Why? Exactly because of what I'm saying.
Do you know why I chose this café for writing my memoirs?
Because only 18 steps away...
across the street, stands that lovely townhouse.
I wanted to sit opposite because it used to be mine.
It's true!
Thanks to a 9 of hearts...
I built it in 1923.
A few years later, an 8 of diamonds took it from me!
But let's not go too fast. Let's go back to St Maxime.
Excuse me!
Pardon me...
I left St Maxime the following April...
to be a bellboy at the St Raphael Grand Hotel...
which was flourishing at the time.
Fashions have changed since then.
These lovely ladies and fine men seem a bit ridiculous today...
just as we'll look a bit silly 40 years from now.
As for me, I was in my uniform and already adored my profession.
I loved the coming and going...
picking up an umbrella...
giving a smoker a light just in time...
indicating the clock to a man without a watch...
going...
coming...
going up...
coming down...
opening the door 50 times...
"Goodbye, sir!"...
"Come in, madam!"...
"Out you go, ma'am!"
"In you come, sir!"
Yes, I loved it because I felt everyone was obeying me...
and I was creating all the coming and going!
And the folded notes!
The love notes men handed to me...
"Boy, give this at once...
'o the lady in the red hat!"
"Give her my letter!"
"See that brunette with the old gentleman?"
"As soon as she's alone, give her this!"
If I'd made a mistake, intentionally or not...
What a scene! What catastrophes!
At night when all the guests had come in...
I then made my rounds.
I went from door to door, my ears alert...
indiscreet and amused.
I stayed there 2 years, learned a lot and...
when I left, I had grown up, changed, and was unrecognisable.
Paris beckoned.
With good recommendations...
a month later I was a doorman at Larue's.
At Larue's I met Serge Abramich...
who occupied the role of dishwasher.
Concerning him, I have a dramatic story...
in which I was involved.
Half Russian, half Rumanian, he was a man...
of unusual and deadly charms.
He offered me a friendship that I appreciated...
for he was not friendly to all.
But a secret instinct warned me not to give in...
to the feelings he aroused in me.
Each night we returned to Montmartre where we both lived.
His words were extravagant with vague threats...
regarding the forthcoming visit of a man...
who was due between October 5th and 8th.
One night he stopped...
suddenly grabbed the lapels of my jacket...
and said with his persuasive accent...
"You see, some men are criminals...
"and they must disappear."
And he added, "It's God's will!"
I tried to appear to respect his beliefs...
but wanted to remain alien to his activities.
On Oct. 3rd, about 11 p. M...
2 panting men came to Larue's, asking for Serge.
They were Russians.
I led them to Serge in the kitchen.
They whispered briefly in Russian...
and then left.
A bit later...
Serge and I were sitting in an empty café...
on the rue des Martyrs, a fateful name.
He told me his much-awaited mystery man...
would surely arrive on the 6th.
Putting his hand on mine...
he seemed to regret he couldn't tell me more.
Then he murmured, "Tomorrow you'll know everything."
Czar Nicolas II Due In Paris October 6th
That night I didn't wait till Serge did his dishes...
but left alone without saying goodnight.
At 4 a.m., someone knocked on my door.
- "Who is it?" - "Serge!"
He came in with his 2 Russians.
At once I saw I already knew too much...
and that I'd be in deep trouble in no time...
if I refused to help them.
By 7 a.m., it was all settled. Our roles were assigned.
A phony Russian policeman, an anarchist...
was to get me into the Foreign Affairs Ministry...
with 3 other temporary workers who were...
to move a rug on which the Czar's bed would be placed.
Beneath the bed, I was to leave...
an object no larger than a can of sardines.
I would run no risks...
and would receive 5,000 francs...
later that evening.
We were not to meet again until the 5th at 5 p. M...
in a restaurant on the Champs-Elysées.
I would then be given the object.
On Oct. 6th the newspapers announced...
at the last minute that Czar Nicolas II...
would not sleep at the Ministry...
but at the Russian Embassy instead.
A few lines lower, the same paper...
wrote about this.
But it's bad taste to brag about writing...
an anonymous letter left-handedly.
That affair, the coming of winter...
a chance to go to the Riviera...
it all led to my leaving Paris...
for Monaco...
where I was to run the elevator at the Hotel de Paris.
At once I was won over by a country so wonderful...
magnificent and unequalled in the world.
Geographically...
it's a rock shaped like a dog's head...
barely 650 metres long...
and about 200 metres wide.
Historically...
legends say it was founded by Hercules.
It's never mentioned among his 12 famous labors...
but it's indeed his 13th and it's brought happiness to Monaco.
On the other hand, we do know...
the only antiquities found on the rock...
were some Roman coins.
I find it quite amusing...
to think that in the days of old...
money was already being lost at Monaco.
Ask me "What's Monaco?"and...
I'll say, "It's an operetta!"
Look at this principality...
made up of a city and a village.
The country has no real name because...
Monaco is the town's name...
and Monte Carlo is the city's name.
The town is ancient...
the city is modern.
The town is Monegasque, : The city, cosmopolitan.
Each foreigner says he feels perfectly at home.
It's quite unique!
You see Englishmen, Chinese, Cubans...
Hindus, Negroes, Hungarians...
Finns and Egyptians like elsewhere.
The reason they're more at home here than elsewhere...
is Monte Carlo has no Monegasques!
It's not a foreign city but a city for foreigners.
You may ask "Where are the Monegasques?"
They're croupiers in the casino!
In Monaco you're born to be a croupier.
A born croupier!
It's hereditary!
At birth, each Monegasque finds in his crib...
the traditional croupier's black rake.
It's a lovely operetta with 2 scenes...
and 2 very different settings...
that of a town and that of a city.
In the city's center is a casino.
In the town's center is a palace.
In the casino reigns a god called Luck.
In the palace reigns a prince...
well-guarded by a little army, as charming as can be.
You see the little army about 11 a.m.
It leaves the palace...
for the changing of the guard.
I like to imagine how much more amusing...
this scene would be...
if the Monegasque soldiers...
strictly in rhythm...
having marched a few steps forward...
suddenly took exactly the same number of steps backwards.
To reach the palace, all the roads go up.
To the casino, they go down.
To be more precise, they lead you there.
The casino! It looks like a sugar-cane masterpiece...
like a station selling tickets to unknown destinations only.
Above all, it looks like a 1st-class spa...
which is just what it is...
since it cures an astounding illness.
It's a unique spot with not even 100 metres of cultivated land.
Where indeed would you want too grow any beets?
There are hotels everywhere.
Some are so large that...
the frontier cuts between the left and right wings.
If one day you are expelled from Monaco...
you need only to change hotel rooms!
It was in Monaco that I for the 1st time...
How shall I say it? I think you see what I mean.
She was a countess.
Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax!
She had a certain allure.
I knew she was 20 years older than I was...
the Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax...
But on the other hand, she knew I was...
20 years younger than she was!
She lived on the 2nd floor.
She had a languorous, promising look...
Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax!
She was a lively, grateful lady...
Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax!
The gold watch she gave me...
I still have the gold watch.
Waiter!
Madam?
I'm expecting a call.
If someone wants the Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax...
it's me.
Sir, could you tell me the time?
Certainly! It's 5:00.
Thank you very much.
I never wear a watch.
It's quite amusing that I don't have a watch.
Yes, after all those I've given to others!
No one has given away as many watches as I have.
In 40 years, sir, I've given away 217!
92 gold ones, 73 in silver and 52 in stainless steel.
I've spent a fortune on watches!
I don't regret it, believe me!
But there's one I'd like to see again.
No, not see again... Meet again!
I mean the man to whom I gave it.
He's the one I'd like to see.
I wonder what's become of him.
In jail!
What a scoundrel he was!
If I get my hands on him...
Very tall! Very slim!
A dark complexion...
A little turned-up nose!
What a rascal!
There's another one I'd like to see again...
but for different reasons.
He was charming!
An elevator boy...
at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo.
He was cute... with a lock of hair...
that kept falling over his forehead.
He was truly a 1st-class little guy!
He really put his heart in it!
He must now be... 54 or 55.
Even so, I'd like to see him again.
May I again ask you... for the time?
It must be around 5:00... Maybe 5:10.
But I'd like to know the exact time.
- Yes, it's 5:15. - Thank you.
A call for Countess Beauchamp Dubourg de Catinax!
Coming!
Waiter...
Sir?
May I ask you for a little favor?
- Yes, sir. - I'd like...
- Waiter! - Madam?
- What do I owe you? - 1 franc 50, madam.
- Here! - Thank you.
- Keep the change! - Thank you!
- Sir? - Madam?
For the last time...
May I ask you for the time?
Certainly!
It's 5:25.
- Thank you very much. - Not at all!
- Sir? - Thank you!
I didn't harm it, don't worry!
At 21, I was drafted into the army...
and spent 3 years in Angoulême.
Angoulême isn't a bad town but 3 years in Angoulême...
is too much!
There was a sort of musical café...
a semi-brothel we invaded in the evening...
and where we tried to behave badly.
He was slender and handsome!
His hair was quite long!
It covered his ears!
His face was sweet, his eyes brimmed with song!
With his different style...
He stood out by a mile!
I've known many a pimp!
But this guy was no wimp!
So that's why every Sunday...
I wore white to make it a fun day!
I'd go to the woods and wander about...
With the guy I was crazy about!
I'll tell ya later! Wait a bit!
But one sad February night...
Before he could yell or fight...
Big Jules laid him out flat...
After a silly spat!
He stabbed him with a knife...
That completely ruined my life!
'Cause for me it's been real hard...
Since he died on the boulevard!
So that's why every Sunday...
I'm not in white to make it a fun day!
I can't go to the woods and wander about...
With the guy I was crazy about!
Sad glory... Pathetic debauchery...
Agatha...
Madeleine...
and Redhead!
3 different ladies, 100 soldiers all alike!
It was a mother and her 2 daughters.
Redhead was the mother and singer.
The father-husband played the piano.
The joint's boss was the pianist's brother.
A family of 5 who thought they were the best in the world!
Agatha and Madeleine loved their mother.
When one of us had enjoyed...
several times one of the daughter's favors...
she'd always tell us...
"Be sweet! Next time, choose Mama!"
After my discharge, I bought a bicycle...
and left Angoulême with undisguised joy.
Exhausted, I sold my bike in Toulouse...
and bought a ticket to Monaco...
where I headed instinctively.
I didn't make a good deal nor did the garage man.
Yet I was the one who was had.
Leaving the Monaco station...
I realised the garage man had slipped me a counterfeit coin.
I didn't like that at all!
I immediately bought some cigarettes...
and got rid of the phony money.
No, I didn't like that at all either!
No, frankly, not at all!
I ran into a croupier whom I knew somewhat.
We talked as if we were old pals.
I asked him to name a profession where one couldn't be dishonest.
He said, "Croupier!"...
and explained why.
So I became a citizen of Monaco.
The papers I signed were...
more like a contract than for citizenship...
but very polite.
Given the traditional rake mentioned earlier...
6 months later I was hired as a croupier at table 4...
convinced I'd lead an honest life...
because a croupier can't cheat at roulette.
Time passed... 1914...
France didn't recognise my Monegasque citizenship.
I was called up and rejoined my unit.
I was 34 and a stretcher-bearer.
I was at the front 2 weeks later, on Aug. 17th, 1914.
We reached the front lines at 4 a.m. And...
at 4:01 I was hit by shrapnel in my right knee.
In terrible pain I passed out and was covered by dirt.
I regained consciousness in an ambulance.
A man named Charbonnier had saved my life...
by digging me out and carrying me to safety.
He too was wounded, alas, and worse than I was.
His arm had to be amputated.
Next day I saw him on a stretcher...
being carried away.
An extremely pale, charming face I would never forget!
I wanted to thank my savior but...
I didn't have time.
Later, he'd already been evacuated to the rear.
1 month later, so was I.
I was sent to a hospital in Poitiers.
They forgot me and time passed.
I slowly healed.
I let my beard grow as it pleased...
as I devoured Balzac whom I'd never read.
Thanks to him...
I made many acquaintances and gained weight.
I sat and matured and...
didn't care if I became unrecognisable.
I read Gautrain's story for the 3rd time.
Discharged again and a civilian...
I decided to shave but only partially.
Not knowing it would help me later...
I played at altering my appearance.
My beard was at first pointed, then square.
Next, I kept my sideburns.
I looked rather like a young Franz Joseph.
I shaved my sideburns. What did that do for me?
Not much!
Then the moustache went.
I became what I'd been before and...
saw that, clean-shaven, I was even more unrecognisable...
but for a different reason.
I'd suddenly aged a lot.
I was only 35 but looked at least 40.
Never mind! The ladies would get used to it!
A few days later, something happened to me...
a story well worth the telling!
Before leaving Poitiers for Monaco...
I decided to have a good lunch...
at the best inn in the region.
I entered, sat down and what did I see?
A marvellous little thing with the look of an angel!
A charming smile! I was astounded.
She noticed me and seemed neither surprised nor annoyed.
My word, you'd have sworn...
she felt the same way about me!
I was seeing things! Yet she stared at me insistingly...
unpardonably!
Quickly she finished her meal, rose and...
came toward me.
She asked if she might sit down and did so before I could reply.
Taking my hand...
she said, "You're the man for me!"
2 hours later, with her driving at 60 mph...
we were in Bordeaux where we spent the night.
What a night!
The hours I owe that adorable creature!
I was crazy!
But in the morning I flaired an enigma in her eyes.
I felt she had a question to ask me.
She asked it. "My love, shall we work together?"
"Work together? How?"
She'd explain after I gave her...
her robe.
I began to feel worried.
Working with her didn't sound good!
"You dry so well, darling!"
Teasingly she laughed at my confusion.
"I love you!
"Now, sir, sit down!
"Yes, sit down and listen to me!
"You'll soon understand!"
"First, give me your feet!"
"So?"
Quite simply she said she was a thief...
who worked in fancy hotels and that was the job she offered me.
What've I done to the Lord...
to get only offers to commit crime?
But I was caught in her trap.
How could I get out of her mad embrace?
Being curious, I went along with her.
That night we were in Biarritz where...
we took what she lovingly called "connecting"rooms.
She inspected them rapidly and curiously.
My God, what sort of mess was I in?
I already regretted saying yes to the child!
"Thank you, you may go now!
"Put the big suitcase on the bed."
- "This one? - That one!"
She was quite enigmatic...
and clearly enjoyed startling me.
She took a phonograph from the suitcase.
"Come on!"
What was she going to do with that?
Redecorating?
"Open the phonograph!"
What did she want in there?
What was in the other mysterious bag?
A drill!
My God!
"Put on a record.
"Play the music loud. Very loud!"
"Why loud?"
"You'll see!"
And I did!
- "OK? - OK!"
- "Ready? - Ready!"
"I'd like 2-3-0, please!"
"Hello... Yes, madam.
"Very good, madam!"
"Come in!
"Do sit down, sir."
"Very well, madam.
"Here is one and here is the other."
"I prefer this one."
"It's more beautiful, madam."
- "And you said...? - 320,000."
- "That's expensive! - A very good price!"
"300,000 and I'll take it!"
"Agreed, madam."
"I'll get the money from the hotel safe.
"But I'm very wary, sir.
"Since I want this one and no other...
"allow me to take some precautions.
"I don't doubt your honesty, sir...
"but here's what I'm going to do.
"I'll put it away.
"Since it's so easy to change a label...
"I'll put it in the closet and that way you'll be assured...
"because you'll be its guardian.
"I'll lock it...
"put the key in my purse and...
"my purse under my arm.
"I'll put my hat on.
"I hate going bare-headed!
"My coat... so I don't catch cold!
"And with a smile, I'll see you in a while!"
"Darling, isn't my ring lovely?"
While our tank was being filled near Bayonne...
pretending to go buy a paper...
bravely or like a coward, I fled...
from my exquisite creature...
as if fleeing fate...
yet rather painfully...
for I must admit she was the only woman in my life...
whom I almost truly loved.
I returned to Monaco...
and my casino job at table 4.
"Hello, my friends!
"I'm glad to be back in harness. Hello!"
For me, the years went by, trouble-free.
I had no plans to marry. I was wary of women and...
had only some affairs, intentionally momentary.
A ballerina who said, "I love you...
"because you're tall and keep me on my toes!"
A lovely model who cheated on me...
with friends and then confessed to me in tears...
whereas I had not forbidden her...
to cheat but to tell me about it!
"That's the 14th!
"I'm fed up! Get out!"
An adorable Chinese doll...
who called me 'Mikitili' or 'Kukulutu' and...
compared me to the sun. Very flattering!
Later I learned she also compared me to the moon.
A postman's wife wrote me daily love letters...
disguising her handwriting
because her smiling husband delivered them to me.
"Thank you!"...Poor dear...
MY WIFE
I can see her even now!
A brunette, broad forehead, heavy eyebrows...
beautiful eyes, turned-up nose...
an almost tragic face when she was serious...
but childlike as soon as she smiled.
A girl from Arles?
Or from Guadeloupe?
With such eyes, she could've been Turkish...
or from Alexandria.
Later I learned she was a Parisian.
She wasn't likeable, yet I liked her.
I was attracted by all that held us together...
as well as all that separated us...
a phenomenon surely related to physics...
but not knowing physics, I called it physical.
She was ravishing.
She resembled a Watteau drawing...
and I was afraid...
because she also resembled a Lautrec pastel.
She looked like she was 25. Besides, she was 24.
In my life she was to play a role that was brief,
providential and evil.
I'd noticed her several times.
How could I not notice her...
when she spent long moments staring at me?
She always took the same seat...
opposite me.
Patient and motionless...
she waited for me to toss the ball.
Upon the fateful phrase...
"Gentlemen, the balls are ready!"...
she threw me 6 louis d'or that...
were so hot they burned her fingers.
She said, "The 2nd dozen!"
"Very good, madam."
She bet nothing else.
I can frankly say that her glance...
which troubled me deeply...
was meant for the croupier, not the man.
By attracting the man, she'd reach the croupier.
The poor girl was obsessed with the idea...
that I could at will cause the ball...
to land in the 2nd dozen.
That night, having lost 9 times in a row...
she was annoyed by her bad luck.
She doubled, then tripled her bets.
I looked at her with feeling...
with a friendly but reprehensive glance.
She looked at me eloquently.
"Instead of giving me advice...
"make it land in the 2nd dozen!"
Totally unmoved because I'd already seen so many like her...
yet amused and attracted by her...
I gave her a faint smile, like an understanding accomplice...
and I spun the wheel.
It turned and turned, then slowed down and...
as if exhausted, the ball fell in a 2nd-dozen slot.
I remember I blushed crimson red.
As for her, her delight was indescribably childlike.
I thought it was a coincidence, pure chance...
and yet I was anxious to spin it again.
Again it landed in the 2nd dozen!
It did it again... 3 times...
then 5 times in a row!
I avoided looking at her.
She began to bet 100-franc chips.
A new croupier took the wheel...
but by then, she'd won 11,000 francs.
A moment later, she rose and disappeared...
without a glance at me. What had happened?
Just what had happened? My goal had been clear but...
could I conclude that I had the power...
to make the ball land wherever I pleased?
"Excuse me."
I reached no conclusion...
but even so, I didn't sleep a wink that night.
Would the thing, the miracle repeat itself the next night?
Besides...
hadn't she left?
She hadn't and it repeated itself the next night...
and she won 30,000 francs.
She was triumphant and so lovely to see!
That night I decided a miracle had happened.
I realised that, without her, it was impossible...
for me to make the ball land in a given slot...
be it this one or that one.
Therefore, between us was a certain je-ne-sais-quoi...
I couldn't name and which we both lacked...
but occurred only when our 2 wills were combined.
But the problem!
Was I to go on enriching an unknown lady? No!
We had to reach an agreement at once.
Yes, but how?
How to make an agreement?
That'll do for tomorrow...
A contract!
Would she be honest?
And... excuse me... but...
what would such a contract's legal value be...
when its aim was to divide a 'heft"?
God, what another night I spent!
I awoke and I knew!
Only 1 contract could protect me from her.
That night I followed her after she came out.
I followed her and...
far from indiscreet ears, we got acquainted...
quickly made our agreement and set a date.
2 weeks later...
in the charming town hall at St Martin de Vésubie...
I wed under the joint estate law...
Henrietta Gertrude Bled...
former wife of a Bulgarian colonel.
I took a 2-week vacation.
But I must say we both agreed...
our marriage was to be...
a marriage in name only.
We spent the 2 weeks working out a reasonable scheme...
and learned it by heart for the 2nd-dozen slots.
As of the moment, if our accounts are correct...
Yes, they are...
After 1 month our winnings totalled 1, 700,000 francs.
2 days later, my heart pounding, I took my seat...
at the roulette table.
She discreetly sat down...
opposite me without a word nor a glance.
By heart she knew what to do.
I spun the wheel.
"The 2nd dozen? Yes, madam."
It spun... and landed on 26.
The exact opposite of our goal!
Henceforth, it was impossible to land in a 2nd-dozen slot!
It was bewitched!
I put it in 35.
I put it in 0... 26!
I put it in all the slots neighboring on 0.
I was going crazy!
Naturally she couldn't change her bet.
Our capital was running out.
I was raking myself to ruin!
I didn't dare signal to her.
I was being watched.
And on it went!
3!
People from nearby tables came over.
12!
26!
0!
More and more people came!
0! 0! 0!
Putting it at times in 0 looks good...
but 5 in a row is very serious!
Everyone was on it then except us.
She had no more money on her.
I made a gigantic effort...
to keep it away from the damn 0.
Alas, it was too late!
They broke the bank!
2 hours later, I was fired.
In the minimum of time legally required...
my wife and I were divorced.
On the train, I thought it all over.
I'd tried to cheat but...
was unable to and so I'd been fired.
Yet if I'd cheated, nobody would've known...
because they thought I'd cheated when I really was unable to!
So if I'd been fired, it was for not cheating!
Fate was against me...
pushing me to become a true scoundrel.
What idea sprouts in the mind of a man who is...
punished for not cheating?
To cheat! Obviously!
And that's why I became a cheat.
But to do so, like a pianist...
it takes months of practice to relax the fingers.
Here's the best exercise.
You see?
Appear! Disappear!
You can also practice by passing a coin...
from your left hand to your right sleeve.
After learning all that, I began modestly in 3rd-class hotels...
to get my hands in shape.
"Sit down, sir!"
I dug up an old, distinguished and naive royalist...
to serve as my guinea pig.
I pretended to shuffle the stacked deck...
and let him cut it.
Naturally, I cancelled his cut.
Charming old man... 2... 2...
And since you're a royalist... 3...
To make you happy... A king!
Once I felt I was ready, I began with poker.
"Pass!" "Pass!"
"Pass!"
Now let's see...
"2,000!"
"I'm in."
"OK."
"Gentlemen!"
"1... 2... but where's the 4th ace?
"Here!
"What can I say? It's God's will!"
Then one day...
I made my real debut in a real casino.
How did I manage...
to cheat for 20 years...
and never get caught?
I changed my nationality 12 times...
my name 14 times and my appearance 20 times.
I was Russian, English, German,
Spanish, Brazilian, Chinese, Turkish and Armenian.
I had all sorts of haircuts...
with moustaches and beards of all sizes...
as a marquis, colonel, doctor, lawyer...
industrialist, architect or bookmaker.
However, all my different disguises...
and false identities were used only...
to throw the police off my track.
I did my best to let them know my various faces...
and make them famous, except for my real face.
But I've never really cheated except...
while wearing my real face and name.
"Is this seat taken?"
Let me show you a cheating method of which I'm the modest inventor.
No enemies around? Good!
Place a shiny gold cigarette case in front of you.
Being the bank, you deal over it, as over a mirror...
2 cards to your opponent.
The jack of diamonds...
Your 1st card...
To your opponent, the ace of spades...
And your 2nd card...
Knowing your opponent's total...
it's your option to draw a 6...
or stand pat comfortably with 4.
Here's a smart little ploy...
to be used at a distance.
See this yellow circle...
that marks off the playing area?
Any sum placed beyond the line becomes a bet.
Behind it, it's still yours.
If it's on the line, it's only half bet.
You take a 1000-franc note folded in quarters.
You place it so that it straddles...
the line, like this.
The bank deals.
If it wins, you lose half your bet, meaning 500 francs...
But if it loses...
then you take a good drag...
blow the smoke toward your bet...
sending it to the other side of the line...
and your half bet becomes a full bet!
So you risk losing 500 francs...
or winning 1000 francs!
See how easy it is?
You'd be crazy not to do it!
"Thank you, sir!"
One July night I entered...
the Deauville gaming room in disguise...
and saw 2 deluxe beauties...
attracting the attention of the men there.
I walked around the table to see them.
What a delightful coincidence!
A charming surprise! What did I see?
My wife and my little thief together!
Amazing privilege of women's beauty or men's memories?
They seemed as young and pretty as always.
My thief still looked like and astonished bird.
My wife had the same triangular face...
the same icy, enigmatic glance.
Both of them were extremely elegant.
My wife and my mistress were close friends.
They both looked at me and wondered...
if they hadn't already seen these eyes before...
but neither of them recognised me.
They were playing as one, honestly perhaps...
and had just given up the deck.
I bought it for 10,000 francs.
With an accent, I said to them...
"I'll sell you half my hand, but only when I win."
They smiled graciously.
A moment later I turned up 9, of course.
I had the voluptuous joy of sharing my 'theft'...
with my wife and my mistress.
"1... 2... 3... 4..."
"Divide it in half.
"5,000 for the ladies, 5,000 for me.
"Very good. Thank you!"
"Now, ladies, listen to me!"
We talked a bit.
They were both free that night...
and agreed to dine with me.
During dinner, they both wondered...
which one would spend the night with me.
So did I...
and I hesitated.
But the 'unknown' lady's appeal was greater than that...
of the 'I'm-back-again' girl.
That night, still disguised...
I became my wife's lover.
During the night she talked about her life and our marriage...
in terms that were absolutely inexact!
FINAL CHAPTER or...
THE END OF A CHEAT
One memorable night about 11:00 I entered the Aix-les-Bains casino...
with the 9 of hearts, spades, clubs and diamonds up my sleeve.
I was looking for a banco worthy of me.
After a moment I heard, "Banco for 1,200 louis!"
I turned and said, "Banco!"
"Banco on my right!" Said the croupier.
The dealer's face was masked by the lampshade.
I saw he dealt with his left hand...
as one does when doing something else with the right.
That can be dangerous!
I wondered, "Are we colleagues?"
I picked up my cards, took others...
moved over and saw a man in his 40s...
a one-armed officer in the Legion of Honor.
Charbonnier! The man who saved me on Aug. 17th, 1914!
What a horrible, unbearable moment!
He was there before me, like a judge!
I'd already taken my cards and could do nothing else.
I had 9 and had to play 9.
And so I did!
He had 9 also.
Good! "Are you still banco?" Said the croupier.
I said, "No, no!"
I said it so fast and oddly that...
everyone looked at me and...
Charbonnier leaned over to see me better.
What admirable clear eyes gazed at me! How they hurt!
I wished I was again under the earth as on Aug. 17th, 1914.
In spite of myself, I gestured quickly, repeating...
"No, no!"
My attitude surprised him.
He gave up his hand...
rose and came toward me.
He dryly asked me to explain my behavior and why I'd quit.
I asked if his name was Charbonnier.
He said yes
and I explained he'd saved my life on Aug. 17th, 1914...
by toting me on his back.
I said the idea of winning his money...
was more than odious to me.
He believed me...
and held out his hand...
his only hand and said, "Thank you."...
adding, "let's have a drink."
I blushed and, for the first time in my life...
I felt ashamed.
He described his dull, monotonous and proper life.
Then he spoke enthusiastically about gambling.
He talked of it as one of the rare pleasures he enjoyed...
without suffering from what he cruelly lacked.
"Yes, I miss my arm constantly except here."
I felt very sympathetic toward him.
He understood and smiled.
Suddenly he said, "Let's be associates!"
- "Associates? - In gambling!"
"You love it, I adore it!
"Let's play together!"
Minutes later we were associates, seated side by side.
I owed him my life. He was rehabilitating me!
The cheat and the honest man joined forces to play honestly!
A gaming inspector had noticed my behavior at the card table...
and had tailed us to the bar.
His eyes were glued to us.
We were surely plotting something and...
he'd have bet his life on it!
For me it was an unknown joy to lay down 9...
and laugh in his face.
Luck was ours that night...
and we split 18,000 francs.
Our association began well!
Even for a thief, such a sum would've been magnificent!
We were together constantly until the last day.
Each night we gambled and shared 50-50.
It lasted 17 days. In the end, had we won or lost?
I truly can't recall because...
something much more important had happened.
He'd made an honest man of me!
But even better... even worse!
He made me a true gambler.
I had doubts at first. Was it just...
a passing phenomenon due to his presence?
After he'd left, that was out of the question.
I was bitten once and for all.
The incredible, unhoped-for mutation was both...
beneficial and fatal to me.
My savior had cured my vice by giving me his own.
In one night and a few days...
I learned what gambling truly was and I adored it.
Without understanding it, I'd hated it and lived on it.
At last I saw it in a new light.
I enjoyed its pleasures and felt its emotions.
All the money I'd won in 7 years by cheating...
I lost in a few months by playing honestly.
"I'll sign another check for 100,000 francs."
You may say it's only fair but the fact is...
my cars, jewels, paintings, houses...
I lost them all!
- Sir! - Yes?
- Look! - What?
The countess!
Quick! Give me your watch!
Too late! So it was you!
The elevator boy at Monte Carlo! Don't deny it!
I had the date engraved... Thank you!
On the casing! I found all the details at home.
"April 12th, 1897"!
- It was you! - It was me.
And you were so cute!
I remember!
Remember no further, Countess, it's over!
No, my heart remembers and...
it's grateful and tells me...
"Here's the man for you!"
It's being funny?
No, I'm not asking you to marry me.
- Nothing of the sort! - Good...
- Good? - I mean...
I accept that.
I want your collaboration on a project...
that'll be extremely fruitful...
but not at all dangerous.
Countess, you scare me!
Trust me! What do you do for a living?
Nothing brilliant worth mentioning...
not even in my memoirs!
Good! I thought so!
Praise heaven for leading me to you!
Let's unite our Ionely destinies!
Tell me about your life!
In no time at all!
At 10, I was saved due to a theft.
Later, when I tried to steal, I was punished for it.
Then, after stealing a lot, I became honest and...
went completely broke.
Then with nothing to live on, I went to work for Grimaud.
Yes, Countess, the playing-card manufacturer!
I put them in their little boxes.
In spite of myself...
I marked all the 9s with my fingernail...
and I was soon fired.
You're truly the man for me!
You're not going to ask me to rob big hotels!
- Small ones! - Small ones?
Small houses that're empty during the holidays!
Like that one, as a matter of fact!
As a matter of fact, that one...
I checked it out earlier.
It's full of art and other fine things!
Countess, halt!
I could put a halt to you forever! I must refuse.
Firstly...
that house was once mine. I can't rob my own home!
My new profession won't allow it and...
I suggest you leave at once!
You scare me!
Tremble, Countess, and tell me no more!
What's your job?
The only one which henceforth...
spares me from temptation and...
in which I can use my natural talents...
without the risk of jail!
I'm a security agent!
Yes, Countess, flee!
Farewell! I envy you!