{1285}{1343}<i>[ Man Narrating ]|1961. The Cold War rages...</i>
{1345}{1434}<i>between the United States|and the Communist powers.</i>
{1434}{1542}<i>It is a war of nerves, of threats|and bluffs, of military bluster.</i>
{1544}{1623}<i>Armies and ominous tanks|line the streets of Moscow...</i>
{1626}{1681}<i>as do missiles with warheads...</i>
{1683}{1745}<i>carrying the promise|of mass destruction.</i>
{1748}{1817}<i>It is an era of intrigue|and espionage.</i>
{1817}{1913}<i>Soviet spies are routinely|trapped and sent to prisons.</i>
{1916}{1973}<i>Or they are exchanged|for American spies...</i>
{1976}{2040}<i>incarcerated|behind the Iron Curtain.</i>
{2043}{2107}<i>Tensions culminate|with the shooting down...</i>
{2110}{2187}<i>of an American high-altitude|reconnaissance plane...</i>
{2187}{2244}<i>while a U.N. ambassador,|Henry Cabot Lodge...</i>
{2247}{2388}<i>shows a hidden microphone the Reds|disguised in the great seal at an embassy.</i>
{2388}{2491}<i>Abroad, often in the midst of|bloodthirsty Marxist regimes...</i>
{2494}{2556}<i>tiny islands of|free American territory...</i>
{2558}{2637}<i>in the person|of United States embassies...</i>
{2640}{2721}<i>carry on round-the-clock efforts|to maintain stable relations...</i>
{2724}{2829}<i>often against hostile|and aggressive populations.</i>
{2832}{2894}<i>One slip in the world|of Cold War diplomacy...</i>
{2894}{2961}<i>could lead instantly|to nuclear disaster.</i>
{3131}{3177}<i>One such free outpost...</i>
{3179}{3254}<i>deep in Communism's fanatic,|totalitarian underbelly...</i>
{3256}{3311}<i>is where our story takes place.</i>
{3313}{3390}<i>Here in a quaint but sturdy mansion|of traditional structure...</i>
{3393}{3489}<i>a dedicated and disciplined group|of foreign-service workers...</i>
{3491}{3546}<i>representing|the United States government...</i>
{3548}{3620}<i>navigate with patience and skill|the treacherous shoals...</i>
{3623}{3716}<i>of international relations|in the Atomic Age.</i>
{3719}{3812}<i>It is in this small haven|that negotiations take place...</i>
{3815}{3937}<i>asylum is given and gracious dinners with|dignitaries from all over the world...</i>
{3939}{4028}<i>are a part of Uncle Sam's|efforts to coexist.</i>
{4030}{4145}<i>The embassy is run by U.S. Ambassador|Bradley Dunston Magee...</i>
{4148}{4193}<i>who is proud to serve his nation...</i>
{4196}{4261}<i>in this poor and hostile environment.</i>
{4263}{4366}<i>- Soon it'll be fall in Paris.|- [ Man ] Yes, sir.</i>
{4368}{4428}<i>I wish we were at|the embassy in Paris too, sir.</i>
{4479}{4524}Well, don't.
{4527}{4606}Because this is where the war is going|to be won or lost with the Reds.
{4606}{4680}- They don't need top diplomats|at the Folies-Bergére.|- Yes, sir.
{4683}{4771}I didn't mean to imply that the work|we're doing here is not significant.
{4774}{4819}We've got a job to do,|and we're going to do it.
{4822}{4870}- And we're going to do it|better than anybody else.|- Yes, sir.
{4872}{4920}Here are those allocations|you requested.
{4920}{5001}<i>[ Narrator ] In addition to Mr. Burns,|Ambassador Magee is ably abetted...</i>
{5004}{5076}<i>by Mr.John Kilroy, Yale '49.</i>
{5078}{5133}<i>And Miss Rosemary Pritchard.</i>
{5136}{5239}<i>Mr. Kilroy's view of Karl Marx is|rather straightforward and simple...</i>
{5239}{5301}<i>and reflects that|of Mr.John Wayne.</i>
{5303}{5356}The only good Communist|is a dead Communist.
{5356}{5407}- They're like Indians.|- Oh!
{5409}{5455}- Ah!|- God!
{5457}{5531}See, I told you.|It's the fourth one this year.
{5534}{5589}They think they're|dealing with children.
{5591}{5644}<i>[ Narrator ] Also working|under Ambassador Magee...</i>
{5646}{5704}<i>is yet another|young career diplomat.</i>
{5706}{5761}<i>And here our story begins.</i>
{5788}{5843}<i>- [ Knocking ]|- [ Magee ] Come in.</i>
{5845}{5920}<i>- You sent for me, sir?|- Sit down.</i>
{5922}{5975}Yes, sir.|Thank you, sir.
{5977}{6073}<i>Because of my superior record here,|my accomplishments...</i>
{6078}{6167}the leaders of my party are discussing|the possibility of a cabinet position for me.
{6167}{6215}Of course, this is|all very hush-hush.
{6215}{6291}<i>Well, sir, let me say I think you'd be|a wonderful asset to the president.</i>
{6291}{6404}Your broad outlook would appeal to psychotic|liberals as well as militant fascists.
{6406}{6452}Something for everyone.
{6454}{6536}<i>Don't mind telling you|this would be a crowning jewel|in a lifetime of foreign service.</i>
{6538}{6584}<i>- Naturally.|- Closing the deal, however...</i>
{6586}{6637}will take considerable effort|on my part.
{6639}{6706}You know how it is.|The right dinner parties.
{6706}{6780}Golf course.|Calling in a few favors.
{6780}{6843}Naturally, my presence|in Washington will be essential.
{6845}{6903}Sir, I understand,|and I won't let you down.
{6953}{7018}I'm tempted to leave|Mr. Kilroy in charge...
{7020}{7068}but I don't think that would|look very good image-wise.
{7071}{7176}Dad-- Sir, I realize that my record|at various embassies...
{7178}{7250}has been less than perfect,|but what can go wrong in two weeks?
{7253}{7305}You were in Brazil for two weeks,|and you had them importing coffee.
{7308}{7382}- No, see, that was--|- My own son who I raised|to be a diplomat...
{7385}{7464}- was asked to leave Africa.|- Don't get worked up, Dad.
{7466}{7516}Some of the best men|in foreign service have...
{7519}{7567}at one time or another,|been asked to leave a country.
{7567}{7646}Africa is a continent. You were|recalled from an entire continent.
{7648}{7696}I'm not really a natural|at it, like you are.
{7696}{7763}You were hung in effigy in Panama!|Even I didn't know that.
{7766}{7843}- I told you that.|- Yes, but you didn't tell me|it was by our own embassy!
{7843}{7893}Dad, you've been more than tolerant.
{7895}{7950}- I realize I've had|a hard time finding myself.|- [ Coughing ]
{7953}{8013}Sorry. A little reflux.
{8015}{8094}If you could just|give me this one chance.
{8097}{8142}- Take this.|- That's glue.
{8334}{8382}You can trust me, sir.
{8478}{8523}<i>[ Phone Ringing, Distant ]</i>
{8595}{8641}Mr. Kilroy?
{8643}{8746}In the ambassador's absence,|I will be in charge here.
{8749}{8806}Now I realize there's some|discrepancy in our experience...
{8809}{8917}and I don't want that to cause|any awkwardness or resentment.
{8919}{9010}I intend to run a disciplined ship,|but a fair one.
{9013}{9096}Now the word around here is that|you don't really approve of me.
{9099}{9144}Am I to believe that?
{9202}{9250}You can speak freely.
{9250}{9331}I encourage my staff|to honestly express themselves...
{9334}{9418}<i>in an environment|of open frankness.</i>
{9420}{9468}<i>So,you know, off the record...</i>
{9471}{9516}<i>what do you think of me?</i>
{9518}{9614}I think you're a moron. Totally|unsuited to the diplomatic corps.
{9619}{9677}Unequal to the task|of fighting Communism.
{9679}{9744}Clinging desperately|to a disastrous career...
{9746}{9804}through the good graces|of your father's connections.
{9806}{9871}In short, despite|your family's advantages...
{9873}{9931}a born failure.
{9933}{9996}Ah. You needn't hide your feelings...
{9998}{10044}just to spare me.
{10046}{10091}<i>Will that be all?</i>
{10094}{10137}Yeah. Yes.|Th-Thank you.
{10139}{10202}Thank you for being so candid.
{10204}{10259}You know, it's refreshing|when someone despises you...
{10262}{10336}to hear it phrased so succinctly.
{10338}{10418}<i>[ Narrator ] And so Ambassador Magee|departed for the United States...</i>
{10420}{10492}<i>to pursue the political plum|of a cabinet position...</i>
{10494}{10552}<i>in theJ.F.K. administration.</i>
{10554}{10614}<i>And, indeed, the embassy|left in his son's care...</i>
{10617}{10684}<i>did proceed|with business as usual.</i>
{10734}{10842}<i>A daily operation, well oiled|over time by Ambassador Magee...</i>
{10842}{10916}<i>functioned almost|on automatic pilot.</i>
{10919}{10971}<i>Visas were handled and renewed.</i>
{10974}{11031}<i>A complex and detailed|discussion that took place...</i>
{11034}{11106}<i>on pressing economic matters|went well.</i>
{11106}{11182}<i>There was even a very successful|cocktail reception...</i>
{11182}{11259}<i>for a highly-placed|Italian industrialist.</i>
{11262}{11348}<i>And then on the fourth day,|from out of nowhere...</i>
{11350}{11396}<i>- Yes, sir.|- the crisis occurred.</i>
{11398}{11492}Yes, we are prepared|to receive the emir.
{11494}{11542}Well--
{11542}{11609}We're giving him|the entire third floor.
{11612}{11700}He's arriving with a few more in|his entourage than we expected, but--
{11703}{11791}Dad, we converted the library into
{11791}{11875}<i>- [ Gunshots ]|- I'm sorry, sir.</i>
{11878}{11966}No, I'm sorry.|I couldn't hear you. There's--
{11966}{12036}No, if you want to stay a few|more weeks, it's no problem.
{12036}{12098}<i>- [ Dog Barking, Gunshots ]|- Yeah.</i>
{12101}{12180}They're probably just|shooting one of their poets.
{12182}{12242}Now, Dad, everything is fine. Sir--
{12245}{12309}Sir, you can relax.|I am carrying the ball.
{12309}{12400}<i>[ Barking, Gunshots Continue ]</i>
{12400}{12456}Okay. Thank you. Bye.
{12458}{12508}<i>- [ Siren Wailing ]|- Sir, would you please help us?</i>
{12511}{12592}[ All Talking At Once ]
{12592}{12640}We're Americans! Who else|would wear these clothes?
{12640}{12724}- [ Woman ] We're churchpeople.|- Mr. Kilroy!
{12726}{12777}- Come with me.|- Are you all right?
{12779}{12851}- I'm fine! How could you|tell him we're churchpeople?|- You know, good people.
{12854}{12901}[ Chattering ]
{12904}{12961}- What the hell is going on?|- They were caught in the act of spying.
{12964}{13045}Oh, man. Please, please.|You can't come in here. Calm down.
{13048}{13120}<i>- [ Gunshots ]|- Hand them over to us.|We'll drag them out and shoot them.</i>
{13122}{13237}This embassy's United States territory.|No one will be dragged out and shot.
{13240}{13319}Leave the premises at once.|This is an extreme violation|of international conduct.
{13321}{13383}I'm Axel Magee. I'm in charge of this|embassy while the ambassador's away.
{13383}{13448}Now... I'm gonna have to ask you|to leave immediately.
{13451}{13525}Guns or no guns, if you don't go,|Mr. Kilroy will throw you out.
{13525}{13614}<i>- [ Axel ] Back up.!|- I think we should issue|a categorical denial--</i>
{13616}{13686}I don't have the facts. I can't commit|to anything without the facts.
{13688}{13772}- [ Soldiers Shouting ]|- I'm in charge! This will all be settled!
{13774}{13851}You invade our sanctity|with weapons?
{13853}{13923}You wonder how a brutal|dictatorship gets a bad name.
{13923}{13971}- Okay, that's enough. Come on.|- That's enough.
{13971}{14021}[ Shouting ]
{14024}{14086}You have to deny it!|You can't be indecisive!
{14088}{14158}I wasn't indecisive.|I just couldn't make a decision.
{14158}{14218}Our government has a fixed policy|regarding espionage.
{14218}{14266}Did you tell them we're spies?
{14266}{14330}[ Woman ] Will you stop?|He's always eavesdropping.
{14333}{14429}He didn't deny it. They said|we're spies. They say we're spies.
{14434}{14510}How can I spy? With my eyesight,|I'm gonna be a spy?
{14513}{14587}I didn't tell them you were spies. First|rule, Mr. Kilroy, keep your options open.
{14589}{14649}First no movie on the plane,|now this.
{14649}{14697}This is all just|a simple misunderstanding.
{14700}{14748}Simple? What do you mean, simple?|How simple?
{14748}{14810}If we leave the building, they shoot us.|Is that simple enough?
{14810}{14872}First there'd be like a show trial,|then they'd shoot you.
{14875}{14956}- Who is this guy?|- Perhaps we should notify|Ambassador Magee.
{14956}{15038}- That will not be necessary.|- A man takes his family on a vacation...
{15040}{15100}and this is what we have|working in our government.
{15102}{15167}- Then they wonder why I don't vote.|- I have done nothing wrong here.
{15167}{15251}- Me neither.|- Why did you take pictures?|You knew it was forbidden.
{15254}{15306}I didn't think they'd see.|I have a Minox.
{15309}{15390}- What did you think|when the sirens went off?|- I thought it was lunch break.
{15393}{15462}- What did you photograph?|- Nothing. The sunset.
{15465}{15534}If you knew it was a sunset,|how could the sirens be lunch?
{15534}{15582}Leave me alone because|I got a headache.
{15582}{15649}They're paranoid, and you're|a nudge for the whole trip.
{15652}{15728}You know, he's right. He is right.|Everything, they hide.
{15731}{15791}I don't know why|I listen to you in the first place.
{15793}{15865}Every time I listen to what you say,|I wind up behind the eight ball.
{15865}{15922}- Here we go again.|- A man has a vacation.
{15922}{16014}He wants to take his family someplace.|I said we'll get a cabana|in Atlantic Beach.
{16014}{16066}Every year it has to be|Atlantic Beach?
{16069}{16129}To what? Sit in the sun and hear you|complain about over-freckling?
{16131}{16184}No, this is better.|Europe is better.
{16186}{16256}$6,000 for three weeks|of uninterrupted diarrhea.
{16258}{16330}What's so terrible? My brother|suggested we see Europe.
{16332}{16421}- He had a wonderful time.|- I have to live for her brother.|Do you hear this?
{16424}{16493}- That's a hot one.|- I know you folks are excited--
{16495}{16553}- Sorry.|- That's all right. I gotta|get a few facts here.
{16555}{16639}Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Walter Hollander.|Newark, New Jersey.
{16639}{16699}I'll give you the facts.|The facts are I get a vacation.
{16699}{16788}I want to take my family someplace.|So I say we'll go to Atlantic Beach.
{16788}{16846}We'll swim. There's miniature golf.|We can play pinochle.
{16848}{16913}No! Her brother says go to Europe.|We gotta go to Eur--
{16915}{16994}And we must-- He tells us we must go|behind the Iron Curtain.
{16994}{17054}Meanwhile, on his vacation,|he went to the French Riviera.
{17057}{17114}Aren't you interested to see|how the other half lives?
{17116}{17176}We went with you|to the Crazy Horse in Paris.
{17179}{17260}A striptease joint. He takes me to|where women get completely naked.
{17263}{17330}Are you comparing Communism|to those girls?
{17332}{17378}As if he appreciates Europe anyway.
{17380}{17428}We took him to Westminster Abbey,|his feet hurt.
{17431}{17505}We took him to Buckingham Palace,|he tried to make the guards laugh.
{17507}{17558}We took him to the Sistine Chapel,|he never saw the mural.
{17558}{17632}The mural's on the ceiling.|I can't look up. I get dizzy.
{17632}{17701}- He had to paint the mural|on the ceiling?|- In the Louvre...
{17704}{17754}I took him to see the statue|of Venus de Milo.
{17757}{17824}I turn away for one minute,|he's caressing the bosom.
{17826}{17872}- She cannot take a joke.|- The man is caressing the bosom.
{17874}{17932}Yes, I felt the statue.|She cannot take a joke.
{17934}{18008}Have either you ever had any stomach|ailments or respiratory problems?
{18011}{18102}- What is he doing?|- I have this brother--|You see, I have this brother.
{18104}{18155}<i>- He's a wonderful man.|- He's a Nazi.</i>
{18157}{18217}- Do you know what you're talking about?|- He should be wearing an armband.
{18219}{18298}- Take my word for it.|- Here we go. ''Request for Asylum.''
{18301}{18397}What about asylum? I'm a caterer|from New Jersey. What do I need asylum?
{18399}{18474}I'm gonna need your passports,|and I gotta get some other information.
{18476}{18533}I'm giving information.|It began with my brother.
{18533}{18605}- He's quite a lovely individual.|- They should have hung him at Nuremberg.
{18608}{18670}''Have you ever bought anything|on credit?'' What the hell is this?
{18673}{18718}What is what I--|What are we doing here?
{18720}{18802}A man goes on a vacation--|This is crazy.
{18804}{18869}- You know, here. Who has the passports?|- That's fine.
{18872}{18927}Hollander and Blackwell.|I'm a caterer from Newark.
{18927}{18991}Take my card.|You'll find us in--
{18991}{19073}- Here.|- Great. Do you work, Mrs. Hollander?
{19073}{19128}No, no, sir.|I'm an average housewife.
{19128}{19186}She's a professional|mah-jongg hustler.
{19186}{19236}She travels around|with her own tiles in a case.
{19236}{19313}Okay, now, you innocently|snapped some photos? Is that--
{19315}{19365}Yes, we wandered away|from a guided tour.
{19368}{19449}- His sense of direction is terrible.|- What are you telling him this for?
{19452}{19531}Will you listen to me, Mr. Magee?|He starts out driving to the Catskills...
{19531}{19608}- and he winds up in the Adirondacks.|- She has all the answers.
{19608}{19677}Then they started to chase you, and|you had the good sense to come here.
{19677}{19763}- My daughter had the presence of mind.|- It's a good thing she did.
{19763}{19823}So you could tell her we're spies,|'cause you don't deny it.
{19826}{19910}- I didn't say anything.|- My wife should not|have to go through this.
{19912}{19994}- She's not a young woman.|- What do you mean, I'm an old woman?
{19996}{20092}I'm not saying old. You're not old,|but she had bridge work recently.
{20094}{20166}Look, I just don't think|there's anything to worry about.
{20169}{20214}Sure, 'cause I'm a caterer, not a spy.
{20217}{20265}Creative catering is our specialty.
{20267}{20327}We were the first to make|the bridgegroom out of potato salad.
{20329}{20375}He does lovely work.|I'll have to say that for him.
{20377}{20464}Last month we did an affair. I made|the bridegroom from potato salad.
{20466}{20519}The head was a jello mold,|and there was a clam dip...
{20521}{20567}that we did|the rest of the body in.
{20569}{20607}Fruit punch spouting--
{20610}{20658}- It was a marvelous affair.|- Beautiful. It was.
{20658}{20713}I should be able to straighten|this out in a few days.
{20715}{20775}A few days? What are you, nuts?|I'm not gonna stay here a few days.
{20775}{20823}We'll have Mr. Burns|set up some cots.
{20823}{20878}Cots! This is getting|worse and worse.
{20881}{20957}I can't sleep on a cot. I'm a dignified|human being with a hernia.
{20960}{21029}Mr. Hollander, this is an emergency.|We're gonna try the best we can, okay?
{21032}{21108}No, I can't stay here.|This is the height of the season.
{21108}{21156}Sam Blackwell can't run|the business without me.
{21159}{21207}Look, he's a wonderful man.
{21207}{21281}I have respect for him. He's my partner.|He's a lovely individual...
{21283}{21339}but the man is a total|abject imbecile.
{21339}{21399}It'll be all right.|Alvin'll come in. His son'll come in.
{21401}{21490}- He's over 21 .|- Son? Who's gonna dress him?|He's dumber than his father.
{21492}{21564}- I'm sure the business|can wait a couple of days.|- Folks, that's it for me.
{21566}{21655}I'm sorry if I damaged anything,|but now I'm going to America.
{21655}{21703}Mr. Magee, what do you|think's gonna happen?
{21705}{21775}- I'm a caterer. Let 'em capture me.|- This is preposterous.
{21777}{21852}They want information, I'll tell them|how to make grapefruit sections.
{21854}{21919}- Mr. Hollander, you|can't just go out there.|- You know what? Let him go.
{21921}{21986}Go ahead, big shot. Listen,|we'll be in here if you want us.
{21988}{22048}- Go ahead. There's the front door.|- You think I'm afraid to go out?
{22051}{22120}- I'm afraid--|- No. Why should you be afraid?
{22123}{22192}They're only police. They'll arrest you,|torture you. What's to be afraid of?
{22195}{22250}- Yeah, I'm afraid.|- No. Mrs. Hollander--
{22250}{22300}Go ahead. Go, go.|Get brainwashed.
{22302}{22348}In your case,|it'll probably help.
{22350}{22413}- I urge you not to do anything rash.|- Let him go. Go ahead.
{22415}{22477}- You don't think I'll go?|- Good-bye! Go!
{22626}{22679}Do you know if any of those guys|belong to the Masons?
{22681}{22732}- Ach, you're starting with the Masons.|- The Masons!
{22734}{22780}<i>- Here they are. Everything's fine.|- Where have you been?</i>
{22782}{22849}I'm sorry. They had me upstairs.|You wouldn't believe what's outside.
{22849}{22902}Like 1 2 armies|all with their guns drawn.
{22904}{22952}- You're all right?|- Yeah, I'm fine, Ma. I'm fine.
{22952}{23007}Mr. Magee, this is|my daughter Susan.
{23010}{23077}- She was a cesarean.|- Pleased. Axel Magee.
{23077}{23146}- When will we be free to go home?|- Well, home--
{23149}{23218}Tell her, tell her. We're liable|to be here two, three days.
{23221}{23281}- Two, three days? What about Seth?|- Seth?
{23283}{23331}Seth. Our son Seth.|You remem--
{23331}{23396}Forgive my wife. In her panic, she|forgot that she gave birth twice.
{23398}{23461}<i>No, no, I-I didn't think|'cause he's at camp.</i>
{23463}{23508}Camp ends tomorrow.|What are you talking about?
{23511}{23561}The kid'll be home.|He'll be unsupervised.
{23561}{23624}We're here. He's in the streets.|He'll be running amok.
{23624}{23700}He'll be raping and looting.|This kid takes after her brother.
{23703}{23777}<i>Oh, my God. And Susan's|getting married in two weeks.</i>
{23779}{23832}That's right. I have a deposit|on the hall. Now what?
{23832}{23892}If we're squeezed for time, we'll|have to push it back. That's what.
{23892}{23959}The date's been set.|We're not pushing anything.
{23962}{24026}Maybe she's right. We may|be able to push the date back.
{24026}{24122}So you better call the owner of|the Renaissance Luau and deal with it.
{24129}{24175}What are we talking about?|Call Donald.
{24177}{24242}<i>- Tell him that-- He'll be worried sick.|- Okay, I'll call Donald.</i>
{24245}{24312}<i>Mr. Magee, what's the longest|anyone's had to stay here?</i>
{24312}{24372}Uh, we have a priest|who came to us for asylum.
{24374}{24439}He's been living upstairs|for a while.
{24439}{24491}What is ''a while''?
{24494}{24561}<i>- A while.|- [ Mrs. Hollander ] How long?</i>
{24563}{24621}Uh, [ Exhales ] six years.
{24623}{24671}<i>- Six years.|- Oh, my God.</i>
{24674}{24750}I said let's go to Atlantic Beach.|We'll swim, we'll play pinochle.
{24750}{24801}No! Her brother says go to Europe.
{24803}{24858}<i>- May he rest in peace.|- He's not dead.</i>
{24858}{24923}He will be as soon as I get back.
{25045}{25108}<i>I saw it. It was a tiny camera.</i>
{25108}{25199}I don't understand. Why is there|no electronic surveillance report?
{25201}{25280}Unfortunately, they must have discovered|the wires. We're getting nothing.
{25280}{25333}They don't appear to be spies.|They look like a family.
{25335}{25431}<i>I wouldn't be taken in by appearances.|Note how careful the executive officer was...</i>
{25439}{25510}to avoid denying any accusation.
{25513}{25594}Absolutely correct.|What puzzles me is...
{25597}{25690}how he knew to take pictures|at that exact intersection?
{25693}{25738}<i>There must be spies|amongst our own ranks.</i>
{25741}{25825}I've long suspected people|in our own organization.
{25827}{25887}Leaks now can prove fatal.
{25887}{25968}<i>I want the photos|and I want Hollanders.</i>
{25971}{26043}What I'm afraid of is that|before we can move...
{26045}{26151}they will be used in an exchange|for certain agents the K.G.B. must--
{26151}{26239}Once in our possession,|the Hollanders will talk.
{26239}{26294}And then heads will roll.
{26561}{26657}So then they shot at Walter,|and we raced down the block.
{26661}{26707}They're horrible Communists...
{26709}{26798}with secret police and|those vicious dogs and... God knows.
{26800}{26879}We may be stuck here for years,|so save the puzzles.
{26882}{26935}No, it's really|a beautiful place, Carol.
{26937}{26997}They set up these kind|of fold-out beds for us...
{26999}{27059}in this conference room library.
{27062}{27165}You'd love Mr. Magee.|He's really very attractive.
{27167}{27213}[ Sighing ]|I don't know if I miss Donald.
{27215}{27268}Don't even ask me that question.|Then I get all confused.
{27270}{27330}The migraines come back.
{27333}{27381}So how are things in Newark?
{27381}{27429}Elsie?
{27429}{27476}Elsie, here's what I want you to do.
{27476}{27548}I want you to go--|I want you to go into my bedroom...
{27551}{27620}and look under my pillow.
{27623}{27687}Look under the pillow.|Do you--
{27687}{27769}There's a small piece of gray flannel.
{27771}{27863}I want you to take it and wrap it up.|I want you to mail it to me.
{27863}{27932}Because I'm under tremendous stress...
{27934}{28026}and I know I'm not gonna be able to|sleep unless I have my piece of flannel.
{28026}{28078}Yeah, piece of flannel.
{28081}{28157}Where I suck the tip.
{28160}{28246}<i>[ Kilroy ] They're taking a very|hard line. Obviously, it's strategic.</i>
{28249}{28313}<i>What did Washington say?</i>
{28313}{28392}Well, the truth is, I haven't|contacted the home office yet.
{28395}{28481}- A formal complaint is in order.|- We have time, Mr. Kilroy.
{28483}{28536}Then I strongly suggest we cancel|plans to host the emir.
{28539}{28584}Our Arab friends|can be unpredictable.
{28587}{28635}I think it would be an extreme loss|of face for the emir...
{28637}{28711}if he were suddenly not permitted|to be our country's guest.
{28714}{28800}It's a question of space. The emir|will take up the whole third floor.
{28802}{28872}- Oh. I'm sorry.|- No. Hi. Come in.
{28874}{28937}- Are you sure? 'Cause--|- Yeah.
{28939}{29009}Mr. Kilroy, we can--|We'll work this out later.
{29009}{29076}As you wish.
{29078}{29148}- Am I interrupting? I can come back.|- No, it's fine.
{29150}{29215}- 'Cause I don't want to take up|too much of your time.|- No problem.
{29217}{29301}I just wanted to thank you|for the accommodations.|Everyone's been really nice.
{29301}{29375}- Oh, good.|- It's a lovely place to be|under the right circumstances.
{29375}{29447}- We'll try to get you out|of here as soon as we can.|- We really appreciate it.
{29450}{29517}- Your dad is really anxious.|- My da-- Oh.
{29519}{29586}No, he's like that all the time.|My parents--
{29589}{29649}Well, they're not like that|all the time. I mean...
{29649}{29737}they kind of have a funny way|of communicating with each other.
{29740}{29807}Deep down, they're affectionate.|They really like each other...
{29809}{29903}but, I don't know, what you see|is what I envision the Huns to be.
{29932}{29994}Yeah, well, you know,|it's gotta be hard for them.
{29996}{30042}Oh, would you like|something to drink?
{30044}{30128}We've got a local white wine.|It's, uh...
{30128}{30186}light, but kind of sneaks up on you.
{30188}{30243}Oh, I could use something serious.|Thank you.
{30296}{30344}So--
{30399}{30450}What do you do?
{30452}{30536}Uh, not a lot. I majored|in philosophy at Rutgers...
{30538}{30634}and now I don't feel equipped|to do much of anything...
{30639}{30704}except think about|the universe, which I do.
{30706}{30792}I don't know. I could open|a philosophy shop and sell concepts.
{30795}{30867}[ Laughs ]
{30867}{30915}- So what do you think about--|- What do I think?
{30915}{30977}- About the universe.|- Oh, um-- [ Scoffs ]
{30977}{31056}Well, I think it's a,|you know, rough place to be...
{31059}{31116}unless, of course, you|have someone to share it with.
{31118}{31174}That makes it easier.
{31176}{31272}- Fortunately, you do.|- Yes, I do. I hope you do too.
{31277}{31346}Well, I travel a lot.|Suddenly and unexpectedly.
{31349}{31416}It must be exciting, you know,|to be in all those different countries.
{31418}{31492}Mr. Kilroy said you've been in almost|every embassy. That's really amazing.
{31495}{31550}- He said that? Well, not every embassy.|- [ Coughs ]
{31552}{31598}It doesn't sneak up on you,|it just attacks.
{31600}{31677}- You haven't eaten, right?|- Look how quickly I'm|talking personally with you.
{31679}{31732}<i>- I don't like to be forward.|- Don't be silly.</i>
{31735}{31792}Wine or no wine,|I promise, no more questions.
{31795}{31855}<i>- What school did you go to?|- Harvard.</i>
{31855}{31948}<i>I wanted to go to art school,|but my family had other plans.</i>
{31950}{31996}Oh. [ Chuckles ]|That's too bad.
{31998}{32070}What does your fiancée do?
{32073}{32154}Um, I don't--|I don't have a fiancée. You do.
{32157}{32226}[ Chuckling ] Oh! That's right.|Look at me. I'm drunk already.
{32229}{32300}- Notice I'm not asking you questions.|- That's all right.
{32368}{32430}- So what does he do? Your fiancé.|- Oh, Donald.
{32432}{32502}He's a dermatologist.|We met at Trader Vic's.
{32504}{32600}I was choking on some cosmo tidbits.|It's actually an interesting story.
{32603}{32672}He reached down my throat|and pulled out a toothpick...
{32674}{32720}with a half-eaten shrimp|on the end of it.
{32722}{32782}- Huh.|- Later that night, we made love.
{32838}{32909}Beverly, you heard?
{32912}{32989}Oh, no, no.|It's a lovely place.
{32991}{33063}But if you ask me, whoever|dusts doesn't do a good job.
{33065}{33156}<i>Leave me alone, please. I don't like|European food. I never liked it.</i>
{33159}{33212}<i>- So I'm a Philistine.|- [ Axel ] Do we have a problem here?</i>
{33212}{33260}Every dish I name, he says no.
{33260}{33317}Mr. Hollander, if you have any|special request, I'm sure Oscar--
{33319}{33370}We are 4,000 miles|from the United States.
{33370}{33459}It's a Communist country. It's 8:00|at night. I can't get lean brisket!
{33459}{33514}- Fish! What about fish?|- Octopus.
{33516}{33564}No, not octopus.|Not monsters.
{33566}{33655}- I mean fish, regular fish.|- Oysters, lovely oysters.
{33658}{33717}Oysters are alive.|I don't eat live food.
{33717}{33789}I want my food dead.|Not sick, not wounded. Dead.
{33792}{33845}<i>- Thejellied calf's foot.|- [ Hangs Up Phone ]</i>
{33847}{33914}Marion, you hear this? He wants me|to eat a jellied calf's foot.
{33916}{33996}Because of where we are and who we|entertain, our menu can be a little exotic.
{33998}{34067}So plain boiled chicken.|Is that so complicated?
{34067}{34120}<i>[ Marion ] Usually he has|a very nice appetite.</i>
{34123}{34168}Look how I can't get a meal here.
{34171}{34216}I'll come in the kitchen.|I'll make you something.
{34219}{34266}<i>- In my kitchen?|- Don't worry. I know--</i>
{34269}{34338}Not in my kitchen. No one|works in my kitchen except me.
{34341}{34401}The cutlery--|I have everything just so.
{34401}{34463}My spice rack. You'll mix up|the order of my spice rack.
{34463}{34530}I'm getting dizzy. The blinding|headaches are returning.
{34533}{34590}<i>- I need some water.! Cold water.!|- Marion.</i>
{34593}{34676}It's good to know our food is|being cooked by an outpatient.
{34679}{34734}I spoke to Barney Silverman|on the phone.
{34736}{34789}Did you tell him not to bother|to come to Idyllwild Airport...
{34792}{34861}with the station wagon|because we may be six years late?
{34861}{34914}Mrs. Hollander, I meant to speak|to you about the telephone.
{34916}{34983}You're free to use the phone|as much as you'd like,|but if you could limit the calls--
{34986}{35039}This is nothing for her.|Let me tell you.
{35039}{35134}She's got to alert everyone in Newark|individually like Paul Revere.
{35139}{35221}I called the Kleins. They're gonna|take care of Seth till we get back.
{35223}{35283}The Kleins?|You couldn't pick a worse couple.
{35285}{35348}- Why? What's wrong with the Kleins?|- They have orgies.
{35350}{35429}- How do you know?|- I catered one. Terrible.|These are terrible.
{35444}{35482}Hey, Ma, Dad, guess who|I found upstairs.
{35484}{35530}Father Drobney,|what brings you down here?
{35532}{35604}I heard such a commotion today, and|I met this lovely young lady upstairs.
{35607}{35657}These are the Hollanders,|Father Drobney. They came to us today...
{35660}{35712}under much the same circumstances|you did six years ago.
{35712}{35801}- Oh, you're refugees.|- Refugees? You know|what I paid for this shirt?
{35803}{35875}<i>- We were at the Vatican.|We saw your boss.|- [ Phone Ringing ]</i>
{35875}{35940}- Excuse me.|- He's got this tiny little room|on the top floor.
{35942}{36022}- If it's for me--|- So, what, you don't go crazy up there?
{36024}{36081}Mm, I'm a guest through|the courtesy of your government.
{36084}{36132}I do not wish|to make myself a nuisance.
{36134}{36225}- Can't you leave here?|- Only if there's some drastic change|in national policy.
{36228}{36276}I have friends|who could help me escape...
{36278}{36391}but I feel it is my duty to return and|someday lead my people once again.
{36391}{36456}But until you lead your people,|you stay in your bedroom?
{36456}{36561}Over the years I have developed a hobby,
{36561}{36609}<i>- What do you do?|- Father Drobney's a magician.</i>
{36609}{36681}<i>- I've been practicing for years. Years!|- That's a wonderful hobby.</i>
{36681}{36750}- Okay, pick a card, any card.|- [ Arguing ]
{36750}{36813}Don't show me, show your brains.|Let's go. Pick a card.
{36813}{36861}I'm not forcing.|Here we go.
{36863}{36913}Anybody pick a card.|Okay.
{36916}{36969}How about you, sir? How about you,|ma'am? Pick a card.
{36971}{37021}- I'm gonna pick a card.|- Don't matter to me.
{37024}{37105}Show your brains. Okay.|Place the card in the deck.
{37108}{37220}Okay, one. Your card is...|the three of diamonds!
{37220}{37268}- Five of hearts.|- Aha! Aha!
{37268}{37328}- So sorry.|- Father Drobney has all sorts|of interesting things up there.
{37328}{37383}- Don't you, Father?|- Doves. Ooh, I have white doves.
{37386}{37448}I raise them. I transform them|before your very eyes.
{37451}{37506}Bring some of your things down.|I think we'd all like to see them.
{37508}{37554}<i>- Ja.! Ooh!|- For entertainment.</i>
{37556}{37602}<i>- We would. Yes. Wouldn't we, Walter?|- Would you really?</i>
{37604}{37659}Sure. Why do you think I had us|trapped here? So we could watch him.
{37659}{37712}I'll be right back.|An audience! An audience!
{37714}{37796}I'll do rings, the disappearing|handkerchief. Ooh!
{37798}{37846}And my magic billiard balls!
{37846}{37906}<i>[ Walter ] Terrific.|It's The Ed Sullivan Show.</i>
{37908}{37961}Don't go. I'll be right back.|Please stay.
{37961}{38043}<i>Don't worry. You can count on it.|We'll be here when you get downstairs.</i>
{38043}{38103}Imagine staying in your room|and practicing magic for six years.
{38105}{38196}<i>- You'd go crazy.|- What about us? What if|the same thing happens to us?</i>
{38199}{38278}Why do you compare?|We're innocent tourists. He's a priest.
{38280}{38330}I'm sure he could get out of here|if he made some effort...
{38333}{38378}but you know how it is|with those guys.
{38381}{38426}The one who suffers most|gets the promotion.
{38429}{38513}<i>- Okay. We've managed to retrieve|the luggage from the hotel.|- Wonderful.</i>
{38513}{38561}- It was 1 9 pieces?|- Yes, thank you.
{38561}{38642}Mr. Hollander, I think|we've solved your dinner problem.|The chef is making you hare.
{38645}{38704}[ Stammering ]|What's ''hair''?
{38707}{38752}<i>- Hare.|- What's ''hair''?</i>
{38755}{38800}Hare's rabbit, Dad.|Hare. Rabbit.
{38803}{38870}<i>- Pardon? What do you mean?|- [ Marion ] It's a rabbit.</i>
{38872}{38935}<i>[ Burns ] It's the closest thing|to chicken the chef could find.</i>
{38937}{38983}- Bunny rabbit?|- It's delicious.
{38985}{39040}If you don't ask him, he'll eat|whatever you put in front of him.
{39040}{39088}Rabbit, like Peter Rabbit, right?|Rabbit?
{39088}{39143}If I told you it was a chicken,|you wouldn't know the difference.
{39146}{39227}I'm gonna eat a furry object?|What's wrong with you, Marion?
{39227}{39292}There's not a Chinese restaurant|here we can order out?
{39294}{39340}<i>- I'm back!|- [ Walter ] Oh.! He's back.</i>
{39342}{39409}[ Grunts ] I could only|carry the small items, but...
{39412}{39479}[ Laughs ] it's enough for|the first few hours of the show.
{39481}{39544}<i>[ Marion ] How many hours|does the show last?</i>
{39544}{39616}<i>- Ha, ha!|- [ Walter ] I can't believe this.</i>
{39618}{39685}Take this, please. Okay!
{39685}{39733}<i>[ Applause ]</i>
{39733}{39800}I have dreamed|of this moment for years.
{39800}{39858}What miracle shall I start with?
{39860}{39913}I don't know.|Can you walk on water?
{39915}{40018}[ Chuckles ]|Okay. Watch this.
{40088}{40133}Oh.
{40198}{40272}Ladies and gentlemen.|Nothing up my robes.
{40275}{40368}- Wonderful, Walter. A tricky priest.|- Great.
{40368}{40459}Nothing... in my cylinder.
{40462}{40512}Nothing in my cage.
{40515}{40594}Okay. Please watch carefully.
{40630}{40694}<i>[ Walter ] I don't need a vaudeville|show. I need a sandwich.</i>
{40697}{40793}I place this dove inside the cylinder...
{40795}{40874}and say a few magic words.
{40877}{40985}<i>And... where there was|previously a dove, is miraculously--</i>
{40985}{41052}Where's my rabbit?|I had a rabbit.
{41052}{41112}How do you like it?|Rare, medium, well-done?
{41114}{41160}<i>Hey, that's my rabbit.!</i>
{41162}{41215}You! You assassin!
{41217}{41291}<i>- Come back here!|- Stop.! Stop this now.!</i>
{41291}{41407}This is a United States embassy,|and I intend to run it like one!
{41409}{41455}[ Shouting ]
{41457}{41514}- [ Burns ] Your bird.|- Take the bird! Take the bird!
{41514}{41622}<i>[ Narrator ] Days pass, and|the situation remains unchanged.</i>
{41625}{41733}<i>And as the crisis reaches the end of|week two, nerves have become frazzled.</i>
{41735}{41790}- Oh, you could do better, Frank.|- What?
{41793}{41845}And the second floor|needs waxing again.
{41848}{41917}- We did wax.|- I like it shiny. I'll show you how.
{41917}{41996}<i>Mrs. Hollander, will you please|remove this ironing board?</i>
{41999}{42095}<i>Where should I go? If I go into|the kitchen, the chef starts to cry.</i>
{42102}{42186}Dear Seth.
{42188}{42294}Don't forget to wash...
{42294}{42375}behind your neck...
{42378}{42447}and ears.
{42450}{42495}Here...
{42497}{42593}all goes okay.
{42598}{42656}Last night...
{42658}{42749}for the first time|in my life...
{42749}{42843}I ate sweetbreads.
{42845}{42891}Also...
{42893}{42967}<i>- [ Phone Ringing, Distant ]|- for the first time in my life...</i>
{42970}{43085}I threw up|on an antique carpet.
{43085}{43138}We all miss you.
{43140}{43205}<i>[ Burns ] Overseas phone call|for you, Mr. Hollander.</i>
{43207}{43253}- Well, good.|- Mrs. Hollander.
{43255}{43351}You're using the phone. Mr. Hollander's on|the phone. Susan is talking with Donald.
{43356}{43433}All the incoming lines are|lit up with relatives calling.
{43435}{43500}Uncle Saul, Minna,|the Chomsky twins.
{43502}{43552}This embassy needs open lines.
{43555}{43641}Sweetheart, could you put your mother|on for just one minute?
{44269}{44356}Try and find out, and I'll call you back|in an hour. Love you. Thank you.
{44358}{44406}<i>Sam Blackwell caters a sweet-sixteen|party. Listen to this.</i>
{44406}{44468}I don't want to hear about this.
{44471}{44528}- Tries to give a bargain on the meats.|- I'm not interested.
{44531}{44610}- He tries to buy cheap.|Doesn't use our regular guy.|- I'm not listening.
{44610}{44696}The result is four people go home from|the party, they get food poisoning.
{44696}{44780}- Oh, my God.|- They're in the hospital 'cause|this guy looked to buy cheap.
{44782}{44828}- I'll bet they're suing.|- Aha! Now you're interested.
{44830}{44876}- Who are they?|- No, you don't want to hear.
{44878}{44933}- Come on. Tell me.|- No! I'm not gonna say anything.
{44936}{44981}- You weren't interested.|- All right, I'm not interested.
{44984}{45032}You're not interested.|Why should I tell you?
{45034}{45120}- Grouch. Will you answer me?|- No! You didn't want to know anything.
{45120}{45168}Now I want to know.|Tell me. Are they?
{45168}{45216}Are they suing?|No, they're not suing.
{45216}{45283}- We're suing them for|low resistance to tainted meat.|- Walter!
{45286}{45358}Of course they're suing! What do|you expect from poisoned people?
{45360}{45463}- Oh, my God.|- If I had Sam Blackwell here,|I would crush his head.
{45463}{45511}Be thankful nobody died.
{45511}{45571}Good, Marion. We're thinking|of making that our slogan.
{45571}{45629}<i>[ Phone Ringing ]</i>
{45631}{45677}<i>- Hello?|- Got such a heartburn.</i>
{45679}{45727}Yes. What? No.
{45727}{45799}Uh, yeah. Hold it.|It's New Jersey. Sam.
{45801}{45847}You be nice.|We all make mistakes.
{45849}{45902}Hello? Hello, cretin?
{45904}{45993}Hello, cretin?|Poison any more people, cretin?
{46032}{46103}Four more people went.|They're dropping like flies.
{46106}{46175}Uh-huh. So what's happening?|What did he say?
{46178}{46226}Uh-- Yeah. Good, good.
{46228}{46295}The lawyer thinks they have a case.
{46298}{46348}Uh-huh. Murderer! Murderer!
{46350}{46401}When I-- Oh. I can't hear you.
{46401}{46461}Your voice is fading, murderer.
{46463}{46528}Overseas operator,|I can't hear the murderer.
{46530}{46614}I-- Blackwell. Blackwell,|you're finished. You're finished.
{46617}{46691}When I come home, I'm gonna|rent a car and run you over.
{46693}{46796}You'll never cater again.|You've cut your last melon ball.
{46796}{46844}His Majesty has arrived.
{46844}{46911}Oh, my God-- Allah.|Uh--
{46914}{46967}Mr. Magee.|Mr. Magee!
{46969}{47019}<i>[ Walter ] Don't call me.|I've got problems of my own.</i>
{47022}{47103}No. If you're gonna call,|call me with good news.
{47106}{47166}No-- Black-- Oh, my--
{47168}{47238}Blackwell,|I'll call you later.
{47238}{47285}<i>What is this?|Lawrence of Arabia?</i>
{47288}{47345}- How do you do, Your Highness?|- ''Your Highness''?
{47345}{47413}- You know this guy?|- What are you talking about?|He's some kind of a sultan.
{47415}{47472}His Majesty wishes to thank|his American friends...
{47475}{47540}for much recent generosity|and understanding.
{47542}{47604}I am aide to His Majesty|and his wives.
{47607}{47683}- Wives. This bunch here is the wives?|- How do you do? How do you do?
{47683}{47770}- Can I take your veils?|- I'm Walter Hollander from New Jersey.
{47772}{47818}Our flight was|a rather rough one.
{47820}{47894}I hope you didn't have any problem|getting past all those police outside.
{47897}{47950}Walter and I are wanted.
{47952}{48031}I recogn-- This guy I recog--|The newspapers--
{48031}{48079}Didn't you people|have an uprising recently?
{48081}{48134}I understand the ambassador|has made arrangements.
{48137}{48194}I'm right.|All those workers got--
{48197}{48242}- There--|- All those workers got killed.
{48245}{48292}There are two sides|to that affair, my friend.
{48295}{48357}What are you talking about, Walter?|Something you know nothing about?
{48360}{48422}What are you telling me?|I don't know politics?
{48424}{48520}Don't you read the papers? This guy|owns the most sand of anyone.
{48523}{48568}- Your Highness.|- Majesty.
{48571}{48638}Welcome, Your Majesty.|I'm sorry that we're unprepared.
{48640}{48712}- We've had some problems.|- Problems of extreme rudeness?
{48712}{48784}- What's your trouble, Aladdin?|- Mr. Hollander,|leave this room immediately.
{48786}{48853}No, I'm not gonna go. Why?|'Cause this bum has some oil wells?
{48853}{48909}I'm an American citizen.|I pay taxes.
{48911}{48971}- You cheat on your taxes.|- What has that got to do with anything?
{48973}{49036}Even with my cheating, I overpay.
{49038}{49108}Your Excellency,|I'm Ambassador Magee's son.
{49110}{49175}My father's crushed he has to be|in Washington while you're here...
{49175}{49230}but I'm chief executive officer|in his absence...
{49232}{49297}and I assure you that the entire embassy|is at your disposal.
{49297}{49350}Listen, I don't want my government|doing business with this guy.
{49350}{49436}- I think your government|can decide that for itself.|- I am the government!
{49439}{49489}Listen to this.|He's the government.
{49491}{49554}Who do you think the government is?|For crying out loud.
{49556}{49635}Our government is|little people like you and me.
{49638}{49697}<i>- Maybe not you.|- [ Aide ] Perhaps|we're intruding in a crisis.</i>
{49700}{49769}<i>- [ Father Drobney Shouting ]|- No, no. My father-- Father Drobney.!</i>
{49769}{49827}<i>- I can't get out!|- Mr. Burns, extricate him.</i>
{49827}{49899}[ Continues Shouting ]
{49899}{49956}<i>- How many wives does this guy have?|- You don't--</i>
{49959}{50026}I count 1 4 wives. How does|he ever get in the bathroom?
{50026}{50095}I don't know|how Houdini did it!
{50266}{50335}I want it undone.
{50338}{50393}I want amends made.|I want him placated...
{50395}{50457}and I don't want anything|to reach the press.
{50457}{50522}Axel, I knew it. I knew it.
{50525}{50577}Yeah, but, Dad--|Okay-- Dad, no, no.
{50580}{50649}No, I think it's been kept|pretty well under wraps.
{50690}{50757}It is a crisis.|No, it's a crisis...
{50757}{50882}but so far, it's our own|private... crisis.
{50882}{50944}God save your life|if this becomes public.
{50944}{50995}Any of it. Any of it!|Do you hear me?
{50997}{51083}The last thing I need is to be|on the front pages for the wrong thing.
{51083}{51131}And, Axel.
{51131}{51189}If relations with the emir|become compromised...
{51191}{51249}I have friends at the Pentagon|who owe me a favor...
{51251}{51323}and they will aim|an ICBM at you.
{51325}{51405}I-I appreciate that.
{51405}{51452}Good-bye.
{51604}{51651}Oh, hi.
{51651}{51702}<i>- Hi.|- What have you got there? You hungry?</i>
{51704}{51750}Oh, no. Actually, it's for my dad.
{51752}{51843}He didn't eat dinner tonight.|The chef made squid.
{51846}{51915}<i>- Yeah, I was just talking to my dad.|- Oh, really?</i>
{51915}{51994}Yeah, he wants Mr. Kilroy|to take over for me.
{51997}{52069}- That's not good. Is that what he said?|- Yeah.
{52071}{52150}- Oh.|- And the fact that he regrets|having had intercourse...
{52153}{52220}with my mother one particular night|many years ago.
{52222}{52277}[ Chuckling ]|Sorry to hear that.
{52277}{52325}So how are you guys doing?|You all right?
{52325}{52383}I'm sorry. We're doing everything|we can to get you out of here.
{52385}{52443}- Thanks. Thank you.|- The nicest people, you know?
{52445}{52498}[ Together]|A lot of red tape.
{52500}{52615}Actually, um, I've had the opportunity|to do a lot of soul searching.
{52618}{52663}- Good.|- Yeah, it is good.
{52666}{52781}I've made a really big decision.|I've decided not to marry Donald.
{52783}{52829}- You're kidding.|- Yeah. Do you believe it?
{52831}{52896}- How come?|- [ Sighing ]
{52898}{52944}I don't know. I mean,|it's not that I don't like him.
{52946}{53004}He's a great guy.|He's really brilliant.
{53004}{53061}- A doctor. Yeah.|- He's gonna make a name|for himself someday...
{53064}{53128}in the area of hair transplants.
{53128}{53239}It's fine for him, I just--|I don't know if it's for me.
{53241}{53303}- You don't need any.|- [ Laughing ]
{53356}{53419}Seems like a hasty decision.
{53419}{53486}Well, I don't know.|You think?
{53486}{53541}I figure if I'm not 1 00% sure--
{53543}{53603}- This is the rest of my life|we're talking about, you know?|- That's true.
{53606}{53699}Yeah.|So I've already told Donald...
{53701}{53769}and now I just have to|tell my parents.
{53771}{53862}- You phoned him?|- Yeah, I phoned him, and I told him.
{53862}{53910}- Wow.|- Yeah.
{53910}{53965}Must have been crushed.
{53965}{54061}I don't know. I'm not sure he wasn't|secretly relieved, you know?
{54063}{54133}- I can't believe that.|- It's my father...
{54135}{54210}who's gonna have a heart attack|or a stroke when he finds out.
{54212}{54267}- Something.|- He like Donald?
{54270}{54320}Well, compared to the other guys|I've gone out with--
{54322}{54440}I mean, Donald-- He is.|He's the answer to a father's prayer.
{54440}{54509}- How many guys have you gone out with?|- Oh,just a few.
{54512}{54615}You know. My father never really|appreciated my taste in men, you know?
{54617}{54668}The draft dodger, um--
{54670}{54742}I went out with a Buddhist|ex-convict. He didn't like that.
{54742}{54800}There was a manic-depressive|jazz musician. My mother loved him.
{54802}{54862}But it's just my father.|He's hard to please.
{54862}{54958}- He must really hate the suburbs.|- Yes and no.
{54960}{55020}You know, um, a fortune-teller...
{55023}{55080}actually once told me|that I'd meet the man...
{55082}{55130}that I was gonna marry|under special circumstances.
{55133}{55229}She just said that, and I said ''What's|this special circumstance gonna be?''
{55234}{55291}And... then at Trader Vic's...
{55293}{55339}when Donald pulled the shrimp|out of my throat...
{55341}{55413}I figured this is special,|so I thought it might be him.
{55416}{55476}You know? And,|I don't know, call me crazy.
{55478}{55555}Now I have this feeling|it might be you.
{55557}{55622}This from a person|who listens to fortune-tellers.
{55677}{55756}- Well-- Me?|- You.
{55759}{55821}Well, these are special circumstances.
{55821}{55917}Actually, the way I see it,|it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
{55919}{55979}Less, if you're lucky.
{55982}{56042}I mean, you know,|the corniest movie writer...
{56042}{56137}would never think of having two people|meet... in an embassy like this.
{56140}{56200}- I never really thought|about getting married.|- Here we are.
{56200}{56248}I don't know if I'd|be that good at it.
{56248}{56344}Well, uh, do you believe|in fortune-tellers?
{56346}{56451}I don't think so. 'Cause I saw|this one at a carnival once...
{56454}{56531}and she told me I was gonna|be the next Michelangelo.
{56531}{56598}''The next Michelangelo.''
{56598}{56658}Didn't happen.
{56660}{56746}Well, you're still young.|Maybe my fortune came true.
{56840}{56905}<i>I'm goin'stir crazy.|I gotta get outta here, Marion.</i>
{56907}{56953}<i>Relax, Walter.</i>
{56955}{56991}I wanna go to the country.
{56993}{57077}I wanna take a walk and see|the trees and smell the flowers.
{57080}{57144}<i>- You hate the country.|- I can't stand it.</i>
{57147}{57197}I miss the theater and the ballet.
{57197}{57255}<i>We haven't gone to the theater|or ballet in 20 years.</i>
{57257}{57336}That's not the point. I can't see|any baseball. I can't get an egg roll.
{57339}{57387}You know I'm lost|without my urologist.
{57389}{57458}<i>Calm yourself.|Do some more situps or something.</i>
{57461}{57526}I can't. I'm seeing spots|in front of my eyes.
{57528}{57605}<i>- That's 'cause we played dominoes.|- I'm sick of dominoes.</i>
{57607}{57696}Last night I dreamt that I was|running down Times Square...
{57698}{57746}completely naked, stark naked.
{57749}{57830}<i>- I was cool and free.|- Yeah? What happened?</i>
{57833}{57900}What do you mean, ''what happened''?|They arrested me.
{57902}{57955}They took me away,|put me in an institution.
{57957}{58027}<i>Well, sure.|Who tells you to run naked?</i>
{58029}{58082}What is it your business what I do?
{58111}{58185}Okay. I came with one balls.
{58185}{58259}Now you're going to see|one ball, two balls...
{58262}{58317}three balls, four balls!
{58353}{58425}<i>[ Father ] Milk.! Paper,|paper does not hold milk.</i>
{58427}{58485}Oh, but my paper will hold the milk.
{58487}{58533}Yes! Here we go.
{58535}{58629}Okay. Milk is going.|The milk is here.
{58631}{58736}Well, cow, the milk is dear.|How about a nice big cheer?
{58979}{59055}Ha! Yah! Okay, one.
{59058}{59125}<i>- [ Applauding ]|- And two and three.</i>
{59127}{59223}Now you see them, now...|you don't.
{59249}{59302}Just be careful...
{59305}{59357}of the phone.|[ Snickering ]
{59360}{59408}Okay. One, two, three!
{59470}{59552}<i>Yes,yes, the bird's coming.</i>
{59554}{59645}Here comes the bird.|Here comes the bird.
{59645}{59705}Okay.
{59707}{59772}The magic words are simple.|One, two, three.
{59772}{59861}Here comes the bird.|Ah! It's--
{59890}{59947}<i>[ Marion ]|Dear Seth.</i>
{59950}{60045}<i>We're still stuck here.</i>
{60045}{60098}I'm okay.
{60101}{60177}Your father... is showing...
{60180}{60225}a little strain.
{60345}{60408}No more snails. No more snails,|you understand?
{60410}{60475}No snails, no tripe, no more aspic.
{60477}{60611}No more aspic. No squid, no brains,|no horse meat. You got it?
{60614}{60664}<i>[ Susan's Voice ]|''Dear Debbie.</i>
{60666}{60760}<i>''In many ways I have found this to be|a very romantic place.</i>
{60762}{60822}<i>''Last night I happened to|doze off in the living room...</i>
{60822}{60892}<i>''and when I awoke, Mr. Magee|was on the phone...</i>
{60894}{60940}<i>and I overheard him. ''</i>
{60942}{60988}<i>[ Axel ] Well, her, uh--|[ Clears Throat ]</i>
{60990}{61084}<i>Her name's Susan,|and she's, uh...</i>
{61086}{61151}really lovely.
{61153}{61275}I-- She's charming,|she's sweet and, uh--
{61278}{61371}I-I was-- I wanted|to kiss her the other night.
{61374}{61467}Her lips were chapped, and I didn't|want to cause her any pain.
{61470}{61563}<i>Yeah. I'm really gonna|miss her when she's gone.</i>
{61623}{61661}<i>[ Narrator ]|Weeks go by...</i>
{61664}{61738}<i>and through elaborate|behind-the-scenes negotiations...</i>
{61741}{61786}<i>a spy trade is arranged.</i>
{61789}{61858}Exchange.|I won't hear of it!
{61860}{61937}<i>The Hollanders for|two top-level Soviets.</i>
{61940}{61997}They leave tomorrow.
{62000}{62064}Did you explain they're crucial to me?
{62064}{62141}We believe them to be|a wealth of information...
{62141}{62220}regarding disloyalty|in our own ranks.
{62220}{62280}The interests of the Soviet Union...
{62282}{62357}come before ours, comrade.
{62359}{62407}Son, we're coming home today.
{62407}{62462}<i>They arranged a trade.</i>
{62465}{62515}<i>Yeah, well, we all miss you.</i>
{62517}{62589}<i>I'll see you later today. Okay.</i>
{62589}{62652}<i>- [ Hangs Up Phone ]|- [ Sighing ]</i>
{62654}{62700}I called Donald last night.
{62702}{62784}You called Donald? Don't you|think that that's Susan's business?
{62786}{62839}Why? Why should it|be Susan's business?
{62839}{62923}She neglects him, and he's gonna be|my future son-in-law.
{62925}{63002}- Why shouldn't I-- You know.|- What did he say?
{63002}{63050}He said nothing.|He wasn't home.
{63052}{63112}I got his answering service,|but that's class.
{63114}{63162}Marion, that's class.|The man has a service.
{63162}{63258}I called Barney Silverman.|He rented the station wagon again.
{63258}{63345}Yeah? Well, on the way home|from work, he can drop me.
{63347}{63395}You're not coming home first?
{63397}{63443}What do you mean? What for?
{63445}{63510}You're going directly|from captivity to work?
{63512}{63589}- Why not? Why should--|- Are you crazy?
{63592}{63654}What are you talking about? I'll help|you unpack when I come home at 7:00.
{63656}{63709}You haven't seen|our apartment in six weeks.
{63711}{63759}So what?|Who was there to change it?
{63762}{63827}A man hasn't seen|his apartment in six weeks...
{63829}{63874}he's going to work first?
{63877}{63932}It's Thursday. I always work|on Thursday. It's a workday.
{63934}{63997}- The business can't wait another day?|- Come on. Take a hike.
{63999}{64085}- Leave me alone.|- Walter, if I cash in our mutual funds...
{64088}{64157}- will you get mental help?|- [ Groans ]
{64246}{64320}Frank, why don't you go ahead,|take that down to the front.
{64323}{64380}We'll be right there.
{64524}{64599}I... feel like I've just, uh...
{64601}{64661}got to know you,|and now you're going.
{64663}{64721}Well, yeah.
{64721}{64788}You know, if you're ever in Newark,|you have my father's card.
{64790}{64867}You could always,|I don't know, drop by.
{64869}{64927}The way things are going, that...
{64929}{64989}- could be my next career stop.|- I don't think so.
{65478}{65531}<i>- [ Knocking At Door ]|- I can't understand you.</i>
{65531}{65582}They've been so nice to us here.
{65584}{65644}How could you stick the towels|in your suitcase?
{65646}{65713}I was a deprived child.|I told you. It's habit.
{65716}{65771}- Give me--|- Oh, wonderful. Now he takes one.
{65773}{65821}Are you sure|it's safe to go out there?
{65821}{65872}Mrs. Hollander, I assure you,|it's been carefully coordinated.
{65874}{65936}Mr. Krojack will be with you|till the moment you board the plane.
{65939}{65992}Did you take your hair dryer|our of Mr. Burns' office?
{65992}{66066}- Did you hurt yourself?|- We came to say good-bye|and to wish you good luck.
{66068}{66145}- It's a pity you're leaving.|- Well, look, if you ever need a job...
{66147}{66217}I know a lot of people in New Jersey|who'd appreciate your kind of cooking.
{66217}{66282}And don't worry about the Board of|Health, 'cause they'll never catch you.
{66284}{66361}I may as well tell you, Mr. Hollander,|that the veal you had last night...
{66363}{66435}was eel, and you cleaned your plate.
{66437}{66521}Look in the vase|next to the dining room table.
{66524}{66605}God bless you.|You have made my life richer.
{66608}{66682}Pick a card.
{66684}{66754}- Eight of diamonds.|- Look! They're all eight of diamonds!
{66756}{66802}- So, of course, he gets it.|- Sue me.
{66804}{66869}I think it's wonderful, Father,|that a man of the cloth...
{66869}{66917}has a hobby besides just God.
{66919}{66972}[ Laughs ]
{66979}{67044}The exchange is a rather|complex one, Mr. Kilroy.
{67044}{67094}Well, I appreciate|your cooperation.
{67097}{67154}I've contacted the Soviet embassy,|and as you know...
{67157}{67241}they have a particular interest|in the return of Martin Tolchin|as well as Pinchuk.
{67243}{67291}- Right.|- I'll see you in a minute, Burns.
{67293}{67344}Marion, look who's here.|It's your friend.
{67346}{67406}I don't hold a grudge.|I'm just happy we're getting out.
{67409}{67476}I'm-- If you ask me,|the whole Cold War stinks, anyhow.
{67478}{67552}- His grandparents were Russian.|They loved Russia.|- That's right. They loved it.
{67552}{67610}They only got out because they heard|there was gonna be a pogrom...
{67612}{67660}and they had just|purchased new dishes.
{67660}{67756}- Let bygones be bygones.|- If I could have my way...
{67763}{67809}<i>you and all those like you...</i>
{67811}{67869}would hang in the public square...
{67869}{67946}as an example to all|the enemies of the state.
{67946}{67998}Say, listen, mister,|when was the last time...
{68001}{68051}you propositioned a woman|and she said yes?
{68051}{68128}You will be jointly|accompanied to the airport...
{68130}{68176}and safely put on the plane.
{68178}{68250}Well, here. Take my phone number|in New Jersey.
{68252}{68334}If you ever decide to defect, call me|'cause we can always use busboys.
{68336}{68399}<i>[ Kilroy ] Mr. Krojack,|you have a telephone call.</i>
{68399}{68495}[ Man On Phone ]|The trade is off. Tolchin's a suicide.
{68497}{68547}Wait. Do they know that here?
{68638}{68691}If the Hollanders have left|the building, get 'em back.
{68694}{68766}Quickly. And don't create suspicion.
{68768}{68833}[ Walter]|Ah!
{68833}{68881}Fresh air.|I can't believe it.
{68883}{68929}Even Communist air|is better than no air.
{68931}{68979}- Oh, uh--|- What?
{68979}{69029}- You know, I, uh--|- You have everything?
{69032}{69089}No, I don't know if I packed that thing.|You know, the--
{69089}{69135}- The adaptor?|- Yeah, the adaptor.
{69137}{69195}- You didn't take the adaptor?|- No, and it's Mildred's. I borrowed it.
{69197}{69250}Mrs. Hollander, can I ask you|to wait inside one second?
{69250}{69324}I know you're anxious but-- Mr.|Hollander, you forgot something inside.
{69324}{69389}- She forgot the adaptor.|- No, actually, we, uh--
{69389}{69461}We have your passports,|Mr. Hollander. We have your passports.
{69461}{69571}No, you're wrong because I got them from|Kilroy 'cause I knew you would forget.
{69571}{69662}Please, Mr. Hollander.Just one second.|Did you sign our guest book?
{69665}{69749}No, I'm never going back into that dump.|I've had it. I'm going home.
{69751}{69809}[ Speaking Foreign Language ]
{69811}{69856}<i>- No, no, no, run!|- [ Gunshots ]</i>
{69859}{69904}[ All Shouting ]
{69907}{69969}Back! Get back! Get back!
{70046}{70132}No, no, no, no, no!|Up, up, up, up, up.
{70135}{70180}I'm gonna blow your brains out|if you move.
{70183}{70235}- You're bluffing.|- I'm bluffing am I?
{70238}{70283}Why don't you try calling it?
{70286}{70355}You fool! That's a finger.
{70355}{70429}It may look like a finger,|but it's a flesh-colored .45...
{70429}{70523}- with two joints, a knuckle|and a little hair.|- [ Women Ululating ]
{70525}{70621}They committed suicide!|The ones they were gonna trade us for.
{70626}{70696}They had to do it--|This morning they had to pick to do it.
{70698}{70760}<i>- Where do you want these?|- They couldn't wait till the weekend.</i>
{70763}{70823}It's gonna be a beautiful weekend.|They could have gotten it all in.
{70823}{70911}See? And you wanted to rush to work.
{70914}{70959}I gotta call Barney Silverman.
{70962}{71012}- I'm drowsy, Marion.|- You're drowsy?
{71015}{71091}I took a Dramamine.|It's a half-hour before the flight.
{71094}{71170}What are you lookin' at?|I'm drowsy.
{71170}{71257}I gotta get some coffee.
{71305}{71353}Do you believe it?|Here we are again.
{71657}{71705}<i>There's something|you should know. Uh--</i>
{71707}{71787}I called Donald.|I told him the wedding's off.
{71787}{71863}<i>[ Marion ]|You did?</i>
{71866}{71962}- I'm not sure I heard that correctly.|- She's not marrying Donald!
{72007}{72096}Don't make jokes with me,|because I can't take jokes, Marion.
{72098}{72158}I was up all last night.|I didn't sleep a wink.
{72158}{72240}The emir's aide sneezed on me. I have|camel germs coming out of everything.
{72242}{72307}I'm not joking with you.|I'm not marrying Donald.
{72379}{72467}<i>- Why not?|- Because she's not in love with him.</i>
{72470}{72554}- What do you mean,|you're not marrying Donald?|- I'm not in love with him.
{72556}{72614}- What are you talking about?|- I'm not in love with him.
{72616}{72705}- And I'm talking to her.|- So listen to her.
{72707}{72765}What do you mean you're not?|How can you not marry him?
{72767}{72832}I don't know.|Maybe I never was in love with him.
{72832}{72911}What do you mean you weren't? The man|got her an expensive electric razor.
{72913}{72959}- How could you not be in love with him?|- Dad, I'm mixed up.
{72961}{73007}Don't confuse me more.
{73009}{73062}You have to marry him.|You're in love with him.
{73064}{73127}<i>No, Walter.|You're in love with him.</i>
{73129}{73194}I never said I wasn't.|So what?
{73196}{73280}If he was a female dermatologist,|you'd be sharing a flat in Paris.
{73283}{73338}Oh!|How can you do this?
{73340}{73417}I don't know. I don't know.|He's not romantic enough.
{73417}{73467}Since--|I find him very romantic.
{73470}{73544}- To you, not her.|- You're not the one|he's holding in his arms.
{73544}{73618}- So if I let him hold me in|his arms, you'll marry him?|- No.
{73618}{73690}Dad, no. It's over.|Okay? It's over.
{73693}{73743}Listen to her. What-- How--
{73745}{73805}How is he not romantic?|The man is a derma--
{73808}{73868}What could be more romantic|than a dermatologist?
{73870}{73923}It's skin. He's a skin doctor.
{73923}{73985}The very words|of his profession are romantic.
{73985}{74047}Nevus. Rosacea.
{74047}{74122}Leukoplakia. It's like Hawaiian.|It evokes the tropics.
{74124}{74182}Walter, forget it.|Leave her alone. All right?
{74184}{74230}It's-- You know--
{74232}{74328}This is our only daughter,|suddenly abandoned with child.
{74333}{74381}She's heavy with child--
{74383}{74443}I'm not with child!|What are you talking about?
{74445}{74501}What do you mean?|You're not with child?
{74503}{74561}- I'm not with child.|- Since when are you not with child?
{74563}{74652}- She's never been with child.|- Where'd I get the impression|she was with child?
{74652}{74726}I don't know. Maybe|you're thinking of your sister.
{74728}{74786}- My sister's with child?|- Yes, I told you. I was on the phone.
{74788}{74846}She told me.|She's with child.
{74848}{74894}So we'll have to get her something.
{74896}{74951}I don't know what we're|going to get her around here.
{74954}{75009}- How do you get a baby gift--|- We'll get it at the duty free shop.
{75009}{75093}By the time we get to a duty free shop,|the kid's gonna be in college.
{75095}{75179}You should still marry Donald.|What's the difference? So you'll adopt.
{75227}{75333}[ Reporter] I need you to clear up rumors|that all is not well at your embassy.
{75333}{75381}No, no, that's not true at all.
{75383}{75450}I heard there's been|some kind of a crisis...
{75452}{75534}where American spies have been|uncovered by the Reds?
{75536}{75613}If there's any spying being done,|it's being done on their side.
{75616}{75695}- All goes very well there.|They're very happy there.|- All righty.
{75697}{75743}If you'll excuse me,|I'm in a hurry.
{75745}{75807}- Good to see you.|- Okay, thanks a lot. Bye-bye now.
{75810}{75862}Your Royal Highness,|can you feel that?
{75865}{75918}- Can you move your toes?|- What are you doing?
{75920}{75980}- It's broken.|- Well, then, don't touch it.|Don't move it!
{75980}{76057}- I won't. No, no, no.|- He shouldn't walk there. I just waxed!
{76059}{76105}Well, I wish you'd quit|waxing everything.
{76107}{76153}I'm holding you responsible for this.
{76155}{76205}<i>The United States government|is extremely sorry about this.</i>
{76208}{76304}- Sorry is not gonna help!|- We have a very fine doctor|on staff from Bulgaria.
{76306}{76416}Well, uh, Dad, unfortunately|His Highness had a little accident.
{76419}{76515}No, it was nothing terrible.|He bro-broke his leg.
{76567}{76673}I-I don't know what to do. I ask her,|she just keeps waxing the floors.
{76675}{76742}Mr. Kilroy is now in full charge.
{76745}{76793}I want the Hollanders|out of the embassy.
{76793}{76865}Do you understand,|Axel? O-U-T, out!
{76867}{76939}Yesterday I had to dodge|embarrassing questions by Dean Rusk.
{76941}{76987}Someone even used the word|''cover-up.''
{76989}{77064}I will not have my life|sabotaged by a caterer.
{77066}{77136}<i>- [ Angry Shouting Outside ]|- Well, sir, short of turning|them over to the Reds...</i>
{77136}{77184}I don't see a way out.
{77184}{77234}<i>- [ Shouting Continues ]|- I can't hear you.</i>
{77236}{77284}Axel...
{77287}{77383}there are certain tribes|that practice infanticide.
{77387}{77478}That is, if the child|is found to be defective...
{77481}{77526}the father has the right--
{77529}{77591}even the duty-- to kill his son.
{77594}{77685}<i>- [ Mob Shouting ]|- Sir, I can't hear you. There's|some kind of a ruckus outside.</i>
{77685}{77742}<i>- Um, can I-- Can I call you back?|- [ Banging ]</i>
{77992}{78080}All of a sudden, it's good-bye|successful dermatologist...
{78083}{78126}hello psychotic diplomat.
{78128}{78183}It's her own life, Walter.|She's 21 !
{78183}{78260}Marion, this guy is what we used|to call in the poolroom a ''loser.''
{78260}{78322}- He's a Harvard graduate!|- Because his father gives money.
{78322}{78416}- That's how he graduated.|But he's a loser.|- Walter, don't get involved.
{78416}{78509}Of all her prospects over the years,|this is the single worst.
{78509}{78560}I prefer every one to him.
{78562}{78634}Even the draft dodger was better,|because he at least was a success.
{78634}{78682}He beat the draft. Something.
{78682}{78754}She was always a little lukewarm|about Donald, I felt.
{78754}{78850}<i>I didn't want to say anything, 'cause--</i>
{78852}{78905}<i>Hey, what are you doing|with the stove?</i>
{78907}{78960}<i>- [ Knocking ]|- Is this a stove?</i>
{78963}{79020}<i>It's a porcelain-tiled stove.</i>
{79022}{79080}<i>You think Europe|has central heating?</i>
{79082}{79128}<i>- I've been mailing letters in it.|- [ Window Smashing ]</i>
{79130}{79176}<i>[ Marion Screams ]|Walter, come here.</i>
{79178}{79224}<i>- [ Gunshots ]|- Look what's going on.!</i>
{79226}{79305}- Oh,Jesus, be careful.|- Rocks. They're throwing rocks!
{79308}{79358}Away from the window.|Away. Down, down.
{79361}{79430}There was a small riot. If you|could please just go to your room.
{79432}{79483}- Quickly, go. Go.|- Aah. What do we do?
{79485}{79552}- Go to your room. Run!|- Try not to get shot.
{79555}{79658}Maybe you should go outside and address|them. You took a public speaking course.
{79660}{79739}<i>- Should have gone to Atlantic Beach.|- Oh, again with Atlantic Beach.</i>
{79739}{79830}- [ Ululating ]|- All wives to the basement!|All wives, this way.
{79833}{79912}[ All Shouting, Ululating ]
{79914}{79962}Get your valuables.|Get all your valuables.
{79965}{80013}<i>- I got 'em. Look at this!|- [ Gunfire Continues ]</i>
{80013}{80099}- Where's Susan?|- [ Axel ] Get away from the windows.
{80099}{80176}- Get away from--|- [ Walter] Where's Susan?
{80178}{80238}<i>- [ Marion ] Oh, Susan.!|- Thank God. Kilroy got hit|in the head with a brick.</i>
{80240}{80327}- He's lying downstairs|muttering something--|- God! Don't touch that.
{80329}{80375}- It's an explosive!|- [ Ticking ]
{80377}{80423}- This is a bo--|- No, no. Don't put it down.
{80425}{80473}<i>- The slightest tap could|blow us sky-high.|- [ Banging, Shouting ]</i>
{80475}{80521}My God, it's the emir!
{80523}{80610}<i>- [ Gunshots ]|- Your Majesty!</i>
{80612}{80658}Okay, let's get him in the basement.
{80660}{80706}Everybody,just stay calm.
{80708}{80792}Stay away from the windows. Everybody|stay low. Not you, Your Majesty.
{80794}{80842}- Walter, don't move! Hold on.|-Just stay still, okay?
{80842}{80914}- [ Babbling Together]|- I'm calm, I'm calm. Who's Walter?
{80914}{81010}<i>- Move as quickly and as surely as--|- [ Wives Ululating ]</i>
{81013}{81065}Oh, Your Majesty--
{81068}{81123}Try not to shake! If you shake,|it could make it go off--
{81125}{81190}-Just relax. Everybody relax.|- It's still ticking!
{81192}{81238}Are you sure you know|what you're doing?
{81240}{81293}I'm a highly trained professional.
{81293}{81341}- Don't shake him!|- He's shaking.
{81341}{81406}-Just hold on to me. Okay, shh!|- Shh!
{81408}{81470}You're turning it the wrong way.|Get out of the room!
{81470}{81521}- Take her and go! Don't worry about me.|- What about you?
{81523}{81576}Look out the window, you'll see me|passing over the building.
{81578}{81624}We're not gonna leave you, Walter.
{81626}{81686}I can't cook with this going on.|A rock just landed in my chocolate--
{81689}{81751}<i>- It's not my fault.|- Don't you see what's going on here?</i>
{81753}{81835}<i>- [ Window Shattering ]|- Don't move!</i>
{81837}{81907}- It's ticking. You have three seconds!|- Here we go, here we go.
{81909}{81962}- Ow!|- It's dead.
{81993}{82055}- My hair turned gray.|- Walter--
{82058}{82113}Marion, my bald spot is gray, I think.
{82115}{82230}Oh, Walter. Who tells you|to pick up strange objects?
{82233}{82281}- That's how we met.|- Ach.
{82281}{82377}- Has anyone been hurt?|- Uh, no, I think we're okay.|How's everyone else?
{82382}{82446}Mr. Kilroy, downstairs,|got hit in the head|with a brick.
{82449}{82509}He must have a concussion.|He thinks he's the Wright brothers.
{82509}{82583}The Wright brothers. Okay,|file a complaint with the ministry.
{82585}{82631}And you better call Washington.
{82633}{82686}No, no! Don't call Washington.|Just remain calm.
{82688}{82736}-Just everybody remain calm.|- [ Talking At Once ]
{82739}{82804}- A bomb! I'm okay. I know the bomb.|- It was a bomb.
{82806}{82866}[ Talking To Himself] ''Do what?''|''Get that machine to fly.''
{82868}{82926}- ''Well, you're crazy.''|''Yes, but so are you.''|- Mr. Burns!
{82928}{82998}<i>- Sir?|- You better get Mr. Kilroy to his room.</i>
{83000}{83046}- We may have to get him to a hospital.|- ''What if something goes wrong?''
{83048}{83108}- You better get him twin beds.|- [ Kilroy ] ''Stop arguing.''
{83110}{83158}<i>- [ Marion ] Who here|wants their laundry done?|- All right, okay.</i>
{83158}{83233}In the absence of any superiors,|I am now in charge of this embassy.
{83235}{83300}I'm in complete control of everything.
{83300}{83381}Good, now I feel safe, because|I heard him say he was in control.
{83384}{83436}- Go, better help the Russians.|- Axel?
{83439}{83523}- Yeah.|- They're not safe here.|That's what this is about.
{83525}{83595}- Mr. Kilroy? Mr. Kilroy?|- No! Wait, no.
{83597}{83667}<i>[ Mob Clamoring ]</i>
{83669}{83784}[ Laughing ] Okay, nothing up my sleeve.|Right? One, two, three--
{83787}{83851}- Here you-- [ Laughing ]|- [ Chuckling ]
{83851}{83909}- Is this good?|- What are you going to do with that?
{83911}{83962}-Just watch. Okay.|- I-I like this tie, Father.
{83962}{84031}Me, too.|One of my favorites.
{84033}{84122}I place here a magic ladybug.
{84122}{84182}''Ladybug, ladybug, light as a feather...
{84185}{84247}make this tie all together.''
{84249}{84309}So.
{84309}{84388}- Okay. All right.|- [ Chuckles ]
{84391}{84441}[ Humming, Chuckling ]
{84535}{84642}Okay. Okay-- Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Magee!|One moment, please.
{84645}{84734}- Father, I'm a little busy right now--|- Very serious, please!
{84736}{84786}[ Sighs ]|Okay.
{84789}{84841}- Okay.|- Father, what about my tie?
{84844}{84906}The reason this did not work|is because I'm still learning.
{84906}{84988}But God bless you.|God bless you, and good luck.
{84990}{85036}Okay.
{85074}{85165}<i>Our friends the Hollanders|are in danger.!</i>
{85165}{85223}That's what you came here to tell me,|Father? I'm aware of that.
{85225}{85287}No, no, no, no. Great danger.|I have information...
{85290}{85371}that the secret police intend|to kidnap them from this embassy.
{85374}{85419}Th-That's one thing|I'm not worried about...
{85422}{85484}because there are rules of|diplomatic protocol that preclude--
{85486}{85532}Please, you're dealing|with the Communists.
{85534}{85587}They don't believe in God,|they eat too much fat...
{85590}{85635}and they, oh, share bathrooms.
{85637}{85683}We're trying everything.
{85685}{85743}Everything means nothing if|the Communists don't cooperate.
{85745}{85793}Mm-mm.
{85796}{85901}Listen. Listen to me.|I have decided. They must escape.
{85904}{85949}- Escape?|- Mm-hmm.
{85952}{86038}- All due respect, Father, but are you nuts?|- No, not nuts.
{86038}{86086}This is their only chance for survival.
{86086}{86158}No, we'll get more marines in here.|We'll pack the embassy.
{86160}{86211}For how long?|For five years, ten years?
{86213}{86285}- Twelve years? Forget about it.|- Look, escape is not possible.
{86285}{86359}Uh, Houdini escaped.
{86362}{86436}This is not Houdini.|This is a man who carves...
{86438}{86484}bridegrooms out of potato salad.
{86486}{86561}Listen to me, I have information.|I have connections.
{86563}{86609}With the underground!
{86611}{86680}With loyal patriots who will|take them to safety, to America.
{86680}{86736}- Please!|- How are you gonna get them to America?
{86738}{86803}- We can't get 'em out of the embassy.|- Okay.
{86805}{86870}I will show you an example.|Give me one shoe.
{86870}{86925}- What?|- Give me one shoe!
{86927}{86973}- My shoe? No.|- Mm-hmm. [ Whimpering ]
{86975}{87021}- Please!|- I'm not-- No, I'm not gonna--
{87023}{87069}- A shoe. One shoe.|- Why do you need my shoe?
{87071}{87138}Give me one shoe!
{87138}{87186}This is--
{87189}{87251}- This is-- I really|don't have time for this.|- Thank you.
{87253}{87304}Please observe. Watch. Look.
{87306}{87364}Okay, I take one eggs.
{87366}{87438}I place the eggs inside the shoe.
{87440}{87536}Okay, now. I take the wand,|and I place--
{87539}{87594}[ Rattling ]
{87625}{87673}- Apprehensive?|- No, I'm not apprehensive, Father.
{87675}{87733}Because I saw the egg|went up your sleeve.
{87733}{87800}Wrong. Listen to me.|Look!
{87803}{87891}Okey-dokey. Misdirection.
{87894}{87978}And misdirection is how|we will get the Hollanders...
{87980}{88047}out of this embassy.
{88049}{88107}Understand?
{88107}{88162}Thank you.
{88165}{88239}Congratulations, it's a double yolk.
{88241}{88313}That's good luck! Oh!
{88316}{88356}<i>[ Susan ] This is a good plan.</i>
{88359}{88421}<i>[ Axel ] I can't agree.|You'll all get killed.!</i>
{88423}{88469}We'll get killed if we stay here!
{88471}{88529}I can't believe how much|I've screwed this up already.
{88529}{88618}<i>- You have not messed this up.|- My father's right. I'm a failure.</i>
{88620}{88666}And your father said it too.
{88668}{88752}And it's not just fathers.|Lots of mothers and brothers|and sisters have said it.
{88754}{88843}- Cousins, uncles--|- First of all, you've got to stop|being so hard on yourself.
{88843}{88915}A lot of famous men had rough starts.|Hitler flunked out of art school.
{88917}{88968}- Thanks, Susan. That's very comforting.|- No, look.
{88970}{89061}- I see something wonderful in you.|- Your father can't do this!
{89064}{89124}<i>It's not pretty, a man with a hernia|being chased by a tank.</i>
{89126}{89174}<i>[ Susan ] Will you forget|my father for a minute?</i>
{89174}{89234}<i>If we never get out ofhere, how are|we going to have a future together?</i>
{89234}{89289}<i>- [ Axel ] You don't want|a future with me.|- How do you know?</i>
{89291}{89337}<i>[ Axel ] It's not fun, the wife|of a career diplomat.</i>
{89339}{89407}Especially one who spends|most of his life in the unemployment|insurance office.
{89409}{89502}We've got to tell my parents about this.|That's gonna be the hard part.
{89505}{89572}- Is it your turn?|- No, it's your turn.|It's been ten minutes.
{89574}{89649}Mom, Dad, do you have a minute?|Axel has something he needs to tell you.
{89651}{89697}No more Donald.|Now it's Axel.
{89699}{89759}She needs this hysteric|like a hole in the head.
{89761}{89893}- What does the failure have to tell us?|- Dad! Go ahead, darling.
{89896}{89970}Mr. Hollander, in light|of the circumstances...
{89972}{90020}and after much consideration...
{90020}{90085}well, I feel this situation|calls for drastic action.
{90087}{90162}The transplant guy was not|good enough? It has to be--
{90164}{90236}Let's just say, for purposes of|argument, that you were trapped spies.
{90238}{90351}- What would you do?|- I would deny it and claim|to be a caterer. Okay, happy?
{90351}{90425}- It's your turn!|- You've read the papers.|What do families do...
{90428}{90476}when they're caught|behind the Berlin Wall...
{90478}{90591}and they desperately want freedom--|so desperately their lives depend on it?
{90593}{90651}What do they do? They escape.|They jump over the Wall.
{90653}{90725}They run through roadblocks.|They shoot. They forge pass--
{90725}{90778}Yeah.
{90780}{90867}Magee, it's been wonderful chatting|with you. Any other psychotic notions--
{90869}{90919}- We're playing dominoes.|- I'm afraid it's the only answer.
{90922}{90979}Escape?|What an interesting idea.
{90982}{91058}What are you talking about?|He's insane!
{91061}{91126}Years of insanity|have made this guy crazy.
{91128}{91186}Dad, would you please just hear him out?|He's come into possession...
{91188}{91233}of some very alarming information.
{91236}{91310}- Did he get the results|of his I.Q. test back?|- We have reason to believe...
{91313}{91389}that the secret police are|planning to have you eliminated.
{91392}{91502}- Eliminated from what?|We didn't enter anything.|- Walter,just hear him out!
{91504}{91584}Marion, I'm not an escaper.|It's not my style.
{91584}{91646}- I show up at a place and I stay.|- You can't stay.
{91648}{91718}- You're not safe here.|- But the priest is safe, right?
{91718}{91787}- Six years he's living upstairs--|- You wanna stay here for six years?
{91787}{91862}- He's a relic of an old regime.|Krojack is different.|- [ Susan ] Dad, come on!
{91864}{91924}You can escape. You read about it|every day. Couples escape.
{91926}{91998}- A husband escapes. Lovers flee tyranny.|- What you read is...
{92001}{92097}''Husband Shot Escaping.''|''Couple Shot--'' [ Stuttering ]
{92099}{92145}What is she talking about?
{92147}{92221}You want her to stay here|for the rest of her life?
{92224}{92308}Yes, I'd rather she grew up here|than grow up an orphan.
{92310}{92380}I can tolerate anybody's orphans|but my own, okay?
{92380}{92435}- Walter, come here.|Listen to me for a minute.|- I got a headache.
{92437}{92485}I got indigestion.|I want to play dominoes.
{92487}{92550}Do you want your daughter|to see Donald again?
{92552}{92638}Or at least meet some other|eligible men? Don't you want that?
{92694}{92773}Tell me the plan.Just for fun.|Not that I'm interested...
{92773}{92823}but I want to know|what he's thinking.
{92825}{92914}- The night after tomorrow, we're|going to have a reception here.|- Who's catering?
{92917}{92962}- Stop it!|- Would you let him finish?
{92965}{93048}It's a big party in honor of the emir.|Several hundred guests.
{93051}{93144}Dignitaries, men and women from|many nations, including this country.
{93147}{93221}Now, you two and Susan, get dressed.|You wait in your room.
{93221}{93279}- Right.|- Around midnight, when first|group of guests start to leave...
{93281}{93334}you come down, you put on your coats,|you got out with them.
{93336}{93410}-Just like that.|- Oh! It'll give you a chance|to wear your dark blue mohair.
{93413}{93468}I don't like my dark blue mohair.|My mohair itches.
{93470}{93533}How can mohair itch?|It's a very soft fabric.
{93535}{93600}- Sue me, it itches.|I don't like the mohair.|- You're gonna have to wear...
{93602}{93674}a dark suit, because I'm not|gonna escape unless you dress.
{93677}{93732}I'm not dressing!|We're not going anyplace.
{93734}{93792}The moment you go outside,|the embassy limousine will be waiting.
{93794}{93840}- You get in and you're off!.|- It's simple.
{93842}{93909}- What if it works? Then where do we go?|- The rest is very simple.
{93912}{94007}My contacts are ready to see to it that|you'll be on your way home within hours.
{94015}{94123}Mr. Hollander, I implore you,|for the safety... of everyone involved.
{94125}{94192}We cannot procrastinate.|Timing is very important.
{94192}{94278}Walter, we'll get to see Seth again.|I miss him so much!
{94281}{94374}By the way, Walter, I didn't mention|this because I knew you'd get upset.
{94377}{94473}- I got a letter from my brother.|Our apartment was robbed.|- What?
{94477}{94506}Yes, burglars broke in.
{94509}{94585}They stole the portable TV|and all your custom-made shirts.
{94588}{94676}Oy, I'm a cursed caterer.|I-I'm running around here in Europe...
{94679}{94760}and in New York there's robbers|with my initials on their shirt.
{94763}{94808}- Evidently.|- [ Sighs ] Oy.
{94811}{94866}Can we, uh, start planning this?
{94868}{94988}Hello. Montague?|This is Capulet.
{94988}{95036}Mmm.
{95036}{95149}The man with the blue scarf|is in Vienna.
{95151}{95197}That's right.
{95199}{95295}The tulips are in full bloom.
{95302}{95417}Spring will be a little late this year.
{95420}{95508}And that's why the lady is a tramp.
{95511}{95564}<i>- Over and in.|- [ Hangs Up Receiver ]</i>
{95566}{95631}<i>[ Fumbling With Receiver ]</i>
{95707}{95799}There is a reception|for a Middle Eastern dignitary.
{95799}{95863}I and my wife|have been invited.
{95866}{95926}I thought you'd be|interested in knowing.
{95957}{96043}<i>- R-Right.|- [ Scratching Paper ]</i>
{96043}{96098}Of course, you will attend.
{96101}{96187}<i>- I'll see to it that|you're briefed in detail.|- Absolutely. Of course.</i>
{96189}{96276}<i>- Comrade Luchow will|take your wife's place.|- Oh?</i>
{96278}{96355}Naturally, you will|introduce her as ''Anna.''
{96381}{96451}Understood. Understood.
{96453}{96530}There's something--
{96530}{96609}There's something|going on there.
{96611}{96686}This ambassador's son,|the young Magee.
{96688}{96750}He's either a genius...
{96753}{96798}or an idiot.
{97012}{97040}Look, tonight's the night.
{97043}{97108}I'd just feel better if we|go over the whole thing again.
{97110}{97165}It's a rotten plan, it won't work.|Let's call it off.
{97165}{97230}- We're not calling anything off.|- Hi, Mr. Hollander. Who are you?
{97232}{97283}Who am I?|Who am I. I'm-I'm--
{97283}{97367}I'm John Randall. I work for|the Department of the Interior.
{97367}{97414}I'm married,|I have four children.
{97414}{97489}I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.|I went to school in California.
{97491}{97542}I first came to government|under Roosevelt.
{97542}{97621}I majored in agriculture.|I drive a Chrysler Imperial, I--
{97623}{97707}- Who's gonna ask me this?|- In the event that they stop you|and ask you some questions...
{97709}{97755}your answers have to be consistent.
{97757}{97820}<i>- Who's gonna believe I'm Sam Randall?|- John Randall.</i>
{97822}{97877}John, Sam. I got such a headache|from this.
{97880}{97944}- What are you doing in Europe?|- What am I doing in Europe?
{97947}{98038}Ask her. I'm in Europe to...
{98038}{98134}help underdeveloped nations with|soil conservation and erosion problems.
{98141}{98203}- Very good.|- Don't ''very good'' me. Okay?
{98203}{98256}And I'm his lovely wife Carmen.
{98258}{98333}I was also the former|Miss Wisconsin of 1 941 .
{98333}{98386}If they believe that,|we win the whole Cold War.
{98388}{98455}One look at those varicose veins,|they'll think we're smuggling road maps.
{98455}{98503}Where are you staying in town?
{98503}{98577}The Grand Hotel for one week.|Then we're flying to Malaysia.
{98580}{98697}Okay, now, uh, uh-- What happens|when you leave the embassy?
{98700}{98769}About midnight, when some of|the other guests are leaving...
{98772}{98860}we casually say, ''Excuse me,''|and we leave with the largest group.
{98863}{98959}Our chauffeur then drives us directly|to the lobby of the Grand Hotel.
{98961}{99071}That's if we're not stopped, arrested,|beaten, tortured and thrown in jail.
{99074}{99129}At the Grand Hotel, we switch cars.
{99131}{99217}A man will come up to me and say,|''Those are extremely lovely earrings.
{99220}{99265}My wife has a pair just like them.''
{99268}{99328}- He will be our driver. We go with him.|- [ Axel ] Correct.
{99328}{99376}And if a stranger happens|to admire her earrings...
{99378}{99424}we'll wind up following him|to Lapland.
{99426}{99503}What happens when he takes you|to the train station?
{99505}{99592}What happens? Uh, someone|comes up to me, a man--
{99594}{99642}presumably not suspicious--
{99642}{99692}and he whispers in my ear,|''The grass is green.''
{99695}{99791}For my money, Marion, he may as well|have a neon sign that says, ''I am a spy.''
{99795}{99870}- Okay, and then what do you do?|- What do we do?
{99870}{99932}We get on a train with him|going to Istanbul.
{99934}{100004}Another first in my life.|I need Istanbul like the plague.
{100004}{100064}- With my fear ofTurks.|- You're not going to get to Istanbul.
{100064}{100112}Halfway there,|we jump off the train.
{100112}{100160}I'm really|looking forward to that.
{100162}{100208}I haven't jumped off|a moving train in months.
{100210}{100260}Your contact is going to help you|with these maneuvers.
{100263}{100311}- You see? So what are you|so worried about?|- Yeah.
{100313}{100380}<i>We'll see how you jump off|a moving train.</i>
{100383}{100445}She breaks her neck trying|to find a seat in a movie house.
{100447}{100536}After leaving the train, we're met|by a man driving a wagon load of hay.
{100539}{100599}- Right, correct.|- Then we dress up as peasants.
{100601}{100661}We get onto the wagon|and we go with him.
{100661}{100730}I got the worst hay fever in America,|he gets us on a hay wagon.
{100733}{100809}He takes us to the seashore,|where we're picked up by a submarine.
{100812}{100884}- Isn't it thrilling?|- Sub-- Yesterday it was an airplane!
{100884}{100939}We had to change that.|There were some security precautions.
{100939}{101018}I'm glad you told me. I'd have spent|the whole day looking for wings.
{101020}{101080}Now. Uh, oh!|You're gonna need this.
{101083}{101155}You're gonna need|some local currency.
{101157}{101207}Oh, forget it.|Forget it. I got money.
{101210}{101306}- Walter, take it!|- You know, go ahead. I'll get the next--
{101313}{101366}We only have traveler's checks.|Take the money.
{101368}{101414}They're good anywhere, Marion.
{101416}{101500}You're gonna stop in a chase through an|alley and start signing traveler's checks?
{101500}{101574}Since when are there gonna be chases?|You said this was gonna be simple.
{101574}{101622}He said this would be simple.|I can't chase.
{101625}{101711}I got arch supports|the size of barbells.
{101711}{101759}Mrs. Hollander's right.|Take the money.
{101761}{101845}And, uh, one other thing.
{101848}{101920}Do you know how|to fire one of these, a pistol?
{101922}{101977}A pistol? How often in the catering|business is there a gunfight?
{101980}{102059}You load it here, and then|you just squeeze the trigger.
{102061}{102145}- Boy, it's a beauty.|- I don't think you should carry a gun.
{102147}{102198}- Why not?|- They're dangerous!
{102200}{102265}- They're not dangerous.|- You don't know how to use one!
{102267}{102313}Who doesn't know how to use one?|Since when?
{102315}{102361}- When did you ever use a gun?|- What are you talking about?
{102363}{102409}- I don't know how to use a gun?|- When did you use a gun?
{102411}{102457}- I don't know how to use a gun?|- When?
{102459}{102509}- What do you mean, ''when''?|Plenty of times.|- I don't want you to carry a gun.
{102512}{102591}- I want to carry a gun.|- I'm not gonna go if you carry a gun.
{102593}{102641}[ All Talking At Once ]
{102641}{102689}Maybe I'm being, uh, overcautious.
{102689}{102744}- She has to ruin everything.|I want to carry--|- [ Scoffs ]
{102744}{102802}- I'm not going if I can't.|- All right, carry a gun.
{102804}{102850}Just make sure|it's not loaded.
{102852}{102924}You can never tell when this little|piece of tin comes in handy.
{102927}{102982}[ Chuckles ]|You see that?
{102984}{103030}[ Disgusted Sigh ]
{103078}{103159}They're gonna need food for|the journey, so I made him some...
{103162}{103233}marinated sea urchin sautéed|in the ink of the cuttlefish.
{103236}{103322}And the sauce is|his favorite antacid.
{103368}{103449}<i>- Well, this is it.|- Ah, it's gonna be a cinch.</i>
{103452}{103500}Well, you got very confident|all of a sudden.
{103502}{103572}<i>Everybody makes|a big deal out of nothing.</i>
{103574}{103653}<i>- You think so?|- Believe me, it'll be over in two hours.</i>
{103655}{103718}- [ Sobbing ]|- It can't be any worse an ordeal|than your sister's wedding.
{103720}{103771}[ Continues Sobbing ]|You think so?
{103771}{103830}Look at this.|What are you crying about?
{103833}{103878}- She's crying already.|- I'm sorry.
{103881}{103977}What are you crying? You know, that's|why I don't like to go places with you.
{103979}{104032}'Cause you always make|everything into a--
{104032}{104080}That's why I was not keen on escaping.
{104082}{104137}I knew you would turn it into|a whole story.
{104140}{104209}- What's the matter?|- [ Sobs ] I don't know.
{104212}{104262}What do you mean,|you don't know?
{104264}{104312}What are you crying for?
{104312}{104372}- Does something hurt you?|- No, I'm afraid.
{104375}{104447}Wha--|What's to be afraid of?
{104447}{104519}Look at the very worst.|The worst!
{104519}{104600}They catch us, they torture us,|you bite down on a cyanide capsule--
{104602}{104674}- [ Sobbing ]|- Look at this! How she's crying.
{104677}{104749}What are you--|What the--
{104751}{104840}What's the matter?|Hey, take it easy.
{104842}{104895}I'll protect you.|Did I not always protect you?
{104897}{104960}Have I always taken care|of you? Always?
{104962}{105032}Remember years ago,|at that Palisades amusement park...
{105032}{105106}that sailor whistled at you,|I hit him a shot in the teeth?
{105108}{105185}- Yeah. He fell out of his wheelchair.|- Exactly.
{105188}{105245}You were so beautiful then.|Come on. Cheer up.
{105247}{105312}- You had on your puce Aztec shawl.|- Yeah.
{105315}{105384}- You remember that?|- And you were in your|dark blue dress suit.
{105384}{105432}With the white socks|and the saddle shoes.
{105432}{105480}I had to have the white socks.|I had a foot infection.
{105480}{105538}- So, you know, it was doctor's orders.|- Walter.
{105540}{105590}Will you protect me?
{105593}{105667}Have I not always--|From the very start...
{105669}{105765}when my mother despised you, when|she loathed you, I was on your side.
{105773}{105861}Remember that? I didn't hold your hand|through two pregnancies...
{105864}{105960}and four false alarms and a very, very|complicated oral prophylaxis?
{105960}{106036}- Remember that?|Have a little faith in me.|- Yeah.
{106039}{106127}- I'll take care of you.|- Walter, I've been such a terrible wife!
{106130}{106233}I wouldn't say ''terrible.''|Terrible is, you know--
{106233}{106290}After all, I'm not easy|to live with, you know?
{106293}{106396}- A lot of women would think|that I was moderately flawed.|- No! No, no.
{106398}{106494}- A good case could be made for that.|- No. No.
{106501}{106571}- Come on. Get dressed. Get dressed.|- I'm wearing my new dress.
{106573}{106669}You better bring a pair of sneakers.|We might have to jump over a wall.
{106674}{106763}- Wally!|- Well, now, you haven't|called me Wally since--
{106765}{106830}- Since the harvest moon ball|years ago. Remember that?|- Yeah.
{106832}{106911}I said even then, if you ever called me|Wally again, I would break your head.
{106914}{106967}- I'm goin', I'm goin'.|- Get dressed. Right.
{106967}{107036}[ Muttering ]
{107508}{107554}<i>- [ Man ] Mr. Hollander.|- [ Gunshot ]</i>
{107556}{107638}Oh! Oh!|Oh, I've been shot!
{107640}{107715}Oh! Help me! Help me!
{107952}{108033}[ Chattering ]
{108113}{108208}[ Chuckling ]|He's a little shy. You're so--
{108211}{108259}Any stories to-- Come on.
{108261}{108364}Come on! Y-e-es. Oh, ho, ho.|[ Laughing ]
{108419}{108511}You know what they say, ''An apple a day|keeps the cossacks away.''
{108513}{108561}[ Laughing ]
{108592}{108657}Mr. Magee. Please.|Excuse me. Excuse me.
{108693}{108748}Your Highness. Ah, I hope|you're enjoying your visit.
{108748}{108810}- My father wishes to extend--|- Pick a card. Any card.
{108810}{108880}- We'll be leaving tomorrow.|- Father Drob--
{108880}{108928}- Father Drobney, this is not--|- Oh, please, any one.
{108928}{108988}- No, I'm busy!|- Pick a card. Oh, please!
{108990}{109036}- Please. Please.|- I'm busy.
{109038}{109100}There's a message on|the two of spades. Please.
{109103}{109151}Well,just tell me.|Nobody can hear.
{109151}{109237}- One of the guests is|from the secret police.|- How do you know?
{109239}{109299}Gruber, that's not his wife.|[ Whimpering ]
{109302}{109367}- Oh, God.|- She's an agent. There may be others.
{109369}{109419}<i>- Hi. Hi.|- Where are your parents?</i>
{109422}{109470}My parents? They're not here.
{109472}{109527}My father's having trouble|getting his holster on.
{109530}{109616}- This place is crawling with agents.|- Really? Look.
{109618}{109678}- No matter what happens, I just--|- Oh, please, please.
{109681}{109743}Don't start a sentence with ''no matter|what happens.'' This was my idea...
{109745}{109791}so it's not gonna work, I know.
{109793}{109839}- Can I tell you something?|- What?
{109841}{109916}- You look great.|- Oh, thanks.
{110052}{110129}- All right. Try to appear casual.|- I am appearing casual.
{110131}{110198}- Yeah.|- Walter, you can tell|you're carrying a gun.
{110201}{110273}- You can not!|- There's a big bulge|under your shoulder.
{110273}{110369}- It's the way I'm built.|- It's not the way you're built.|You don't have a handle.
{110369}{110450}- Leave me alone, okay?|- Walter, put it upstairs.|Put it upstairs.
{110450}{110513}- No, we need it.|- We don't need it.
{110515}{110570}You shot the sultan's|assistant today.
{110573}{110632}You know, sometimes they like|an eye for an eye.
{110635}{110702}- I'm carrying a gun.|- Oh, Walter.
{110704}{110781}- You know, everybody's|staring at your bulge.|- Who cares what you say?
{110781}{110831}Uh, we haven't met, have we?
{110834}{110911}Oh, I'm-I'm-I'm John Randall. I work|in the Department of the Interior.
{110911}{110983}I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,|but I went to school in California.
{110983}{111035}I majored in agriculture.|I'm married. I have four children.
{111038}{111146}I drive a Chrysler Imperial. I'm John|Randall. I work in the Department of--
{111148}{111220}- And I'm his lovely wife, Carmen.|- How do you do?
{111222}{111311}Yannis Kasnar, and this is|the Countess Wilhelmina Bordoni.
{111311}{111390}- Charmed.|- Say hello to the countess, darling.
{111392}{111443}Hello, darling.
{111445}{111520}- This wine is extraordinary.|Have you tasted it?|- Mm, exquisite.
{111522}{111594}- Mm.|- Somewhat diffident, and ephemeral.
{111596}{111666}- Wouldn't you say, Mr. Randall?|- Yes, that's how I'd put it.
{111668}{111771}''The flavor is subtly demure, and|the bouquet is playfully articulate.''
{111771}{111819}<i>Esquire magazine.</i>
{111819}{111867}- [ Chuckles ]|- How long have you been here?
{111867}{111915}- A couple of days.|- Two weeks.
{111915}{111975}- We're over at the big hotel.|-Just a few days, really. At the Grand.
{111975}{112030}- I can't stand it myself. It's really--|- It's a beautiful place.
{112033}{112102}Actually, we should be going.|You know?
{112102}{112155}It's late, and come--|Come, Walter.
{112157}{112203}- Good night.|- Oh, it's Walter?
{112205}{112268}My own wife doesn't realize|my name is Sam.
{112270}{112352}- Oh, Sam.|- No!John.John, it's John.
{112352}{112431}Actually, because it's-- See,|my real name is ''RandallJohnsam,''
{112433}{112495}but they kept confusing me|in Washington with Lyndon Johnson.
{112495}{112572}So I keep getting his phone messages|and meat bills.
{112575}{112634}- How interesting.|- It's quite a hassle.
{112634}{112692}Well, we must be off.|We've got to be in Afghanistan--
{112694}{112757}- In Tunisia. Tunisia.|- Tunisia. That's the same--
{112759}{112821}- But come, Marion. Let's go.|- Marion?
{112821}{112879}Oh, I'm his lovely wife, Carmen.
{112881}{113001}Let me get it. Ooh, ooh, ooh--
{113004}{113095}My cigarette lighter. I got|a good buy at the duty-free shop.
{113097}{113174}Oh, may I, uh--|May I have a light?
{113176}{113229}A light?
{113229}{113313}- [ Clicks ]|- You know, I don't think it has a wick.
{113315}{113366}Or fluid, or flints.
{113368}{113442}- Oh, no. No matter.|- This works on|a different principle, right?
{113445}{113495}- Haven't figured it out yet.|- Well, we have to be going.
{113498}{113562}Party's about over, and I hate to be|the last to leave.
{113565}{113627}- Yes, well, nice meeting you.|- It was a pleasure.
{113627}{113689}- Lucky those cheap lighters never work.|- I don't want to hear--
{113692}{113745}- Can we go now, please?|- Yes, yes.
{113747}{113838}- I don't believe we've had the pleasure.|- Sam Randall.
{113840}{113915}-John.John Randall.|-John Randall, from--
{113917}{113989}I'm Helmut Gruber, and this is|my lovely wife, Mrs. Gruber.
{113991}{114066}Hi.|How do you do?
{114068}{114138}We weren't aware there were|other American guests here.
{114140}{114190}- No, there aren't.|- I'd like to freshen up.
{114193}{114262}- Have you met the Hollanders?|- The Hollanders? No!
{114262}{114313}- We don't know the Hollanders.|- Pick a card.
{114315}{114363}- Any card.|- No, no, no. Not now, Drobney.
{114366}{114411}- Oh, please. Pick a card.|- No, no, no.
{114413}{114459}Yes, yes, yes.|Go pick.
{114461}{114541}Picking. More picking.|Please pick a card.
{114541}{114603}- It's got writing on it. Plus, we've got--|- Nah!
{114605}{114682}<i>- Walter, it's so late, we should--|- [ Axel ] Randall.!</i>
{114684}{114761}Mr. Randall.|Mister, uh, your car.
{114764}{114809}- Yes, the car.|- Good evening.
{114840}{114886}Mm.
{114888}{114970}<i>- ...tie it together again.|- He's a priest. Magic is|not his full-time job.</i>
{114972}{115066}- I have to go. I'm sorry.|- But he said he was|gonna put it together.
{115068}{115159}- Well, Mr. Magee, thank you so much.|- Very nice party.
{115162}{115233}- Thank you very much.|- A lovely, lovely evening.
{115236}{115308}- Very, very nice party. Here.|- Yes, we'll be going.
{115308}{115382}- Oh, yes. Nice to have chatted with you.|- Come on, Carmen.
{115384}{115471}Hope to see you soon.|Yes,John, yes. Good-bye.
{115473}{115519}<i>[ Axel ]|Yes, well, um--</i>
{115519}{115572}- Nice to meet you.|- Nice to have met you.
{115572}{115627}And maybe, maybe I'll see you|in Newark sometime.
{115629}{115679}- Thank you.|- Thank you.
{115854}{115922}''Orville, do you think they'll give us|a parade up Fifth Avenue?''
{115924}{116037}''I don't doubt it.'' ''Mother would love|that.'' ''She would, wouldn't she?''
{116039}{116097}<i>- [ Gunshot ]|- Oh, my God!</i>
{116099}{116176}What happened? Oh, my goodness,|what happened?
{116178}{116269}Oh, what happened? Oh, my--|[ Screaming ]
{116272}{116334}[ All Talking Together]
{116336}{116430}Stay calm! That's right.|Oh, my God!
{116430}{116485}Tell me what the hell happened?
{116538}{116602}- Who shot me?|- Whoa.
{116602}{116650}Dad.
{116718}{116754}<i>No, I will not hear of it.</i>
{116754}{116823}<i>Send the embassy limousines.|We leave immediately.</i>
{116825}{116873}His Majesty will not|stay an extra minute.
{116873}{116953}<i>- But, sir, I--|- No, now, now! This instant!</i>
{116955}{117012}- Oscar has prepared a wonderful brunch.|- No. Brunch?
{117012}{117108}- I am not going to stay here for brunch.|- Let me get the ambassador.
{117111}{117214}How could you do that?|How could you attempt an escape?
{117216}{117291}Dad, the situation called|for something bold, you know?
{117293}{117341}- If it had worked--|- But it failed!
{117341}{117389}Like everything else you do, it failed!
{117389}{117485}I mean, riots, bombs, pickets,|that's never happened in my embassy.
{117487}{117533}And this morning|a devout priest produced...
{117535}{117593}a seven of spades behind my left ear.
{117593}{117689}<i>- He's been working on that.|He was having a hard time--|- [ Knocking ]</i>
{117696}{117753}- Come in!|- ''The flight went well.''
{117756}{117825}<i>- Flight?|- ''Yes, it did, Orville.|I was surprised.''</i>
{117825}{117873}[ Chuckles ]|''Me too, Wilbur.''
{117876}{117936}''Well, I shouldn't say|surprised, but encouraged.''
{117938}{118043}''Me too.'' ''Now, you mark my words,|we'll show the world.''
{118046}{118156}I'll get you for this, Axel.|I promise you, I will get you for this.
{118156}{118233}<i>The emir's leaving.|I think the situation is irreparable.</i>
{118235}{118358}<i>I'll speak to him. By the way,|your mother called.</i>
{118360}{118427}She wants you to mail her|your birth certificate.
{118427}{118492}- Come on, boys.|- Huh? Oh. ''Have you met my brother?''
{118494}{118547}''Oh, hello.|You look very well.''
{118549}{118609}''Thank you, I feel well.''
{118655}{118777}Well, you wondered what happens,|you go along with a lunatic.
{118777}{118849}I told you the gun was dangerous.
{118849}{118897}Again, she's still on the gun.
{118897}{118981}You shot two people in the last|2 4 hours! How many do you need?
{118981}{119072}Marion, how am I gonna know|there was the ambassador?
{119072}{119161}- You want him to wear a little sign?|- The gun went off by itself!.
{119163}{119237}I didn't shoot the gun. It must have|been one of those new guns.
{119240}{119326}They buy 'em by the bushel from Taiwan.|[ Muttering ]
{119329}{119403}Axel, I'm sorry. This was all our fault.|Right, Dad?
{119405}{119453}If it was anybody's fault,|it was my fault.
{119453}{119501}And now they've doubled|the guards outside.
{119504}{119580}It was a nice try, Magee.|Unfortunately, I shot the boss.
{119580}{119631}But you know,|you can't have everything.
{119633}{119712}I better call Barney Silverman.|He's probably still at Montauk Point...
{119715}{119789}with the station wagon,|waiting for us to surface.
{119789}{119856}- What is this? What are you doing?|-Just doing a little laundry.
{119856}{119911}Mr. Burns says|the emir is packing.
{119911}{120002}- She's doing laundry.|- She does Kilroy, she does Burns...
{120002}{120077}she dusts, she waxes, and now|she's doing the bedouins.
{120079}{120125}[ Scoffs ]|Just two of his wives.
{120127}{120220}They're lovely young women.|I'll give it to them.
{120223}{120276}- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.|- What's the matter?
{120278}{120331}<i>- I got an idea.|- [ Walter ]|I heard that. He's got an idea.</i>
{120333}{120386}- I'll be in the fallout shelter.|- How many do you have?
{120388}{120439}-Just two.|- Okay.
{120441}{120515}- What are you thinking?|- Father Drobney, come down here.
{120515}{120587}What's going through your mind, Magee,|besides the usual cattle stampede?
{120590}{120647}Stand right there. Yeah, it'll fit.
{120647}{120710}- Wait, this could work. Do you see?|- We gotta hurry, though.
{120710}{120786}- They're gonna leave any minute.|- What are we discussing?
{120789}{120851}- You know I'm a size ten.|- Yeah. Okay, you two.
{120853}{120899}- Change. Quickly.|- Change what?
{120901}{120964}- I don't get it.|- We leave with the emir's harem!
{120966}{121012}What's wrong with you?
{121014}{121064}- A harem?|- Yes.
{121067}{121158}- The two of us--|- Yeah, because with the veils,|wh-who'll notice?
{121160}{121208}He has 1 4, now he's got two more.
{121211}{121259}You're telling me the man|doesn't count his harem?
{121259}{121335}- Who doesn't count the harem?|- This is a brilliant plan!|This could work.
{121338}{121407}- No, no, no, no, no.|I'm not dressing as an Arab.|- No, no, you are.
{121410}{121479}And then you get into|the embassy limousine, it takes|you to the transfer point...
{121479}{121532}and you meet|Drobney's contacts!
{121534}{121625}- Instantly he can see|there's two more wives.|- Maybe he will, maybe he won't.
{121628}{121678}- It's worth a shot.|- Don't tell me maybe.|I don't want to know maybe.
{121681}{121757}Forget it. Let him spend the money|on a lobotomy.
{121760}{121836}- We're wasting time here.|- What about Susan?|We only have two outfits.
{121839}{121901}I got that figured out too.
{121904}{121971}- You two,just dress, okay?|- All right. Let's go.
{121973}{122040}- Walter, here.|- I'm not dressing, Marion.|Leave me alone.
{122043}{122103}I don't want to wind up in a harem.|We'll spend the rest of our lives...
{122103}{122158}on satin pillows|in the Persian Gulf.
{122160}{122242}- Quickly. Would you change?|- No, I don't want to.
{122242}{122297}Marion, is that what you want?|To be a love slave?
{122299}{122374}You're at least a man. I'm the one that's|gonna have to learn those wiggly dances.
{122376}{122426}<i>- Let's go.!|- How did you think of this?</i>
{122426}{122481}- I never would have|thought of this plan.|- Ah--
{122484}{122568}So sorry. Cold compresses.|Wives. Clear. Coming through.
{122570}{122618}Mr. Magee. You called?
{122618}{122685}- Father Drobney. Are your contacts|still ready to go?|- Yes.
{122688}{122733}- Good. Alert them immediately.|- Absolutely.
{122736}{122831}- All systems go.|- You're transforming|before my eyes. It's wonderful.
{122834}{122879}Susan, every once in a while|fate comes along...
{122882}{122935}takes a man by the hand and|allows him to move mountains.
{122937}{122990}- Isn't it faith? I think it's faith.|- Is it... faith?
{122990}{123062}I always thought it was fate.|Maybe that's why it never made sense.
{123064}{123146}- I'm so proud of you.|- Before you walked into my life...
{123146}{123229}- I was nothing, I was a loser--|- I didn't walk into your life.
{123232}{123321}- I ran.|- But now, I have this feeling|I could do anything!
{123323}{123400}I have this confidence,|this sense of optimism.
{123402}{123464}Maybe you're really|a manic-depressive.
{123467}{123536}- No, I'm in love.|- You're in love. [ Chuckles ]
{123539}{123618}I'm in love, for the first time|since Elsie Holmquist.
{123620}{123668}- Who's Elsie Holmquist?|You never mentioned her.|- This Swedish girl.
{123671}{123723}I met her in an embassy.|Boy, could she ski.
{123726}{123795}- That's how I broke my pelvis.|- Oh.
{123798}{123860}- Susan, you've become my whole world.|- You've become mine.
{123862}{123918}I am so happy, I could sing!
{123920}{123977}Do I have to listen to this?
{123980}{124049}- Ha! Okay.|- See you in a minute.
{124052}{124131}The storm we were expecting|will be a little late.
{124133}{124196}The boy with the blue hair...
{124198}{124260}is fondling his chipmunk.
{124263}{124347}<i>Never call with anything under...</i>
{124349}{124402}a pair of queens.
{124404}{124483}And the green grass grows all around.
{124483}{124534}All around.
{124534}{124606}So, toot, toot, tootsie, good-bye.
{124608}{124656}<i>- [ Receiver Bangs ]|- Ready.</i>
{124658}{124726}- Marion, it itches.|- How can it itch? This is silk.
{124726}{124821}I'm telling you a million times.|My doctor told me I have|the thighs of a princess.
{124821}{124881}- So you wearing a princess's clothes.|- It itches!
{124884}{124929}- It's silk.|- Everything is ready.
{124932}{124980}Go immediately and God bless you.
{124980}{125068}Just stay calm, cool, collected,|and if anybody asks you anything...
{125071}{125116}just mutter something about Allah.
{125119}{125179}- Uh-huh.|- The limousine driver will|take you to the Grand Hotel.
{125181}{125241}From there on, our plans|are precisely the same.
{125243}{125318}- What about Susan? We didn't decide.|- In a little while...
{125320}{125402}Susan and I are gonna walk out of here|under full diplomatic immunity.
{125402}{125476}- How are we gonna do that?|- Well, as the wife|of a foreign diplomat...
{125478}{125524}you'd be entitled to that.
{125526}{125591}- Wife? You-You and her?|- It's perfect.
{125593}{125680}We're both American citizens.|This is United States territory.
{125680}{125735}Father Drobney is a priest.
{125737}{125821}- If you'll have me.|- Oh, Axel!
{125821}{125905}My Susan! A bride!
{125905}{125987}This is the happiest day of my life!
{125989}{126071}I only wish your father|were alive to see this!
{126073}{126145}- I am alive. I'm standing right here.|- Oh, yeah.
{126145}{126222}- I'm sorry! I got carried away.|- 'Cause I'm wearing this.
{126222}{126306}- You look like you|should be named Fatima.|- This is a brilliant plan.
{126308}{126392}- You're gonna marry her?|She's gonna marry--|- Yes!
{126392}{126459}- You want him to?|- I do, yes! I love you.
{126461}{126557}- Oh. Oh! Oh.|- [ Ululating ]
{126562}{126629}Walter. Walter. Stop that.|We have to go.
{126632}{126684}- [ Continues Ululating ]|- Walter. Walter, control yourself.
{126687}{126732}- Mr. Hollander--|- Stop! Stop!
{126735}{126780}- [ Continues ]|- All right. Shh! Walter.
{126783}{126840}Listen, Susan. Darling.
{126843}{126900}When we're on the submarine,|you'll wire me your silverware pattern.
{126903}{126972}- Absolutely. As soon as I know.|- [ Axel ] Good luck.
{126974}{127020}- You stepped on my Hush Puppies!|- Oh, sorry.
{127020}{127140}Walter, take it easy.|Let's go. [ Indistinct ]
{127140}{127195}- Now, now!|- [ Ululating ]
{127197}{127269}- But they're marrying!|- Yes! [ Ululating ]
{127272}{127377}[ Drobney ] God keep them.|I'm so happy for you both.
{127380}{127437}- Thank you.|- I'm happy. Are you happy?
{127440}{127512}- Yeah!|- I'm happy.
{127514}{127560}- You look so great.|- [ Chuckles ]
{127562}{127641}Father, I didn't speak out of turn.|You can do a ceremony, right?
{127641}{127713}- Yes, I could do. Yes.|Six years I haven't.|- Is he a rabbi?
{127713}{127761}- Do we need a rabbi?|- Hour and a half--
{127761}{127821}<i>- Do you know any rabbis|in the underground?|-Just have to change my clothes.</i>
{127924}{128005}Come. Come, let's go. Soon|we will be home at the palace...
{128005}{128068}and I expect every one of you|to go out of your way...
{128068}{128180}to see that His Majesty forgets|this unpleasant occurrence.
{128183}{128262}I'm sure you know|what I mean, hmm?
{128264}{128346}- Hey, why is he staring at me?|- You look sexy in those clothes.
{128348}{128444}I don't like this, Marion.|I don't like this.
{128444}{128507}[ Softly ]|Well, you look fine.
{128509}{128555}[ Low Chattering ]
{128600}{128672}<i>[ Narrator ] That morning, the Hollanders|left the United States embassy...</i>
{128674}{128770}<i>with a boldness and courage|unknown to them before.</i>
{128770}{128866}<i>Indeed, the plan devised by Axel Magee|was a brilliant one.</i>
{128873}{128948}<i>The following day, they|were married by Father Drobney.</i>
{128950}{129063}Therefore, I pronounce you|man and wife.
{129065}{129137}[ Laughing ]|Congratulations!
{129187}{129238}[ Muttering ]
{129238}{129329}Look. Hey! Oh, it's a joke.|[ Chuckling ]
{129331}{129444}<i>[ Narrator ] Within 24 hours,|the Hollanders were safely|en route to the United States.</i>
{129446}{129511}<i>Axel Magee quit|the Foreign Service...</i>
{129514}{129569}<i>and went to work|for his father-in-law...</i>
{129569}{129648}<i>who was overwhelmed with|the young man's natural gifts...</i>
{129648}{129722}<i>for sculpting the bride and groom|out of chopped liver.</i>
{129725}{129835}<i>At last, the fortune-teller's prediction|about Magee as a new Michelangelo...</i>
{129837}{129885}<i>had proved true.</i>
{129910}{130035}OdwiedŸ www.NAPiSY.info